Hi everyone, this is Esateys. Guess what? Today we’re going to speak about relationships! Now, I love to speak about relationships because everything is relationships. We’re in relationships with every single person that we know, even the people that we don’t know. And of course, as I always say, we’re in relationships with our pets, and the environment and plants and everything else. But today I’m going to speak specifically about personal relationships, and this is part 1. Next time I have a whole bunch of other things that are gonna take this deeper and support you even more. So, first of all understand, if you’ve had a spat, a fight, a knock-down, drag out, whatever degree it is with a person, in particular a close person, it usually feels pretty bad, doesn’t it? And we get into what I call the vortex. And the vortex is where you’re just caught up in the energy of perhaps raising your voice, perhaps really raising your voice. Perhaps you’re the kind of person that throws things or you know, whatever. Everybody has a different way of dealing with the emotion that comes up. What we forget in those moments is pretty much everything, actually. And all we can think about is: this person’s doing something to me, this person’s making me feel this way, they did this, they said that, they whatever. But, it’s always about blaming, it’s about over-there. And pretty much when we’re in that vortex, that’s all we can think about is what they did. And how it has everything to do with them, and pretty much nothing to do with us. Welcome to humanism, welcome to the world of being human. Well guess what? There’s a little bit more to that story then just about them. In fact, it’s all about you. Now, I know, don’t hang up as they would say, don’t go away, because there’s pieces to this. It doesn’t mean that person didn’t do what it is, that whatever it is that they did or whatever it is that they said. But what you have the value of, what you have the power to do is decide, how do I want to frame this? How do I want to be with this? So, when somebody just like, clouds up and rains all over you, or feels like they’re attacking you, now sometimes for those of you that are pretty sensitive, you can feel the energy coming at you. Somebody says something to you and it’s a tone of voice, it’s the energy they project on you. That hurts. It hurts like a pain, an injury. Sometimes it feels as intense as a physical attack. It’s really hard when you’re a sensitive person to be in any kind of confrontation because you know that feeling as it comes over your body, and you just want to put up some kind of guard, some kind of shield. Well I want to support you, and when that occurs, to first of all, take a breath. Really take a breath because this is the time you must stay in the eye of the hurricane. Because right now, there’s a hurricane going on and you’re hurting, and they’re hurting, and everybody’s trying to win and grab the energy, and take control, and prove their point and all that other kind of stuff, and everything gets lost. There is nothing, nothing, nothing productive about that. You are in control of changing the circumstances by what you think, what you feel, and what you say, and what it is that you do. So, one of the things that you can do, is stop project on them, that it’s all about them. Stop projecting and blaming. Now, this is a big one, because when we’re in that energy and I know you know what I’m talking about, it’s pretty violent sometimes. And that energy won’t allow you readily to say: oh, I have something to do with this. Instead, we’re just in a life-defensive mechanism. And, you are powerful. You are very powerful and you can absolutely change you’re circumstances by changing how you be with it. Now, they may still be going off like a rocket, but you don’t have to be that way with them. So, this is where your own mastery comes in. You stop. You take a breath. You know that old saying count from 1-10? Well, you can do what I call the “cycle of 5 breathing.” Breathing in through your nose to the count of 5, holding it for a count of 5, exhaling to the count of 5, and repeating that cycle 5 times. And, the other person may still be going off, or doing what they’re doing, or yelling at you for not responding, but that’s ok. Stay with your breath. So, you stop blaming. You take control of how you’re going to be in those moments, and you decide that you’re going to see this situation differently. Because it’s really not them that’s causing you the pain, it seems like it, but it’s how you’re viewing what they’re staying It’s how your experiencing what they’re saying. You’re taking their words and you are molding, and you are providing the definition in your head, in your emotional system and everywhere else, about what it is that they are meaning. Now, they’re just words. You are assigning the meaning to them. You are experiencing the energy. And I know that might be difficult for you to really get, but when you recognize that you are the complete empowerment in this situation, ohhhh, that can really help! That can really help you be and deal better with what it is that is going on in your life. Because it’s important for you to stay empowered inside yourself. Not above, not to try to be better than them, but to really be in truth with yourself about how you’re really feeling. So, stay with the feelings, stay with the breath, stop projecting and stop the inner-change of conflict. It’s up to you. So, what you’re going to notice is that your judgements are going to create a cycle for you, and this cycle means that you may find that suddenly, even after a moment, or the event, you might can in this loop. And then there is judgement, and there’s injury and you feel betrayed or you feel hurt. Or you feel attacked or you feel whatever. And then, notice what you do with that, this is a fun part. You notice that you start being, ah, a little passive-aggressive. Or, maybe you’re a little less kind than you usually are. Maybe if you put toothpaste on his toothbrush, I think I’m gonna do that this time. Or maybe you would call her on your way home to just connect and see how the day ways, and you decide, I’m not doing that. Where do you shut down your love? What cycles are you creating by the events that you go through? And where do you really want to be with that? It’s important for you to recognize and contemplate these things, because we all have conflicts in life. We all have people and circumstances and events where we don’t agree. And how you be with those disagreements is going to be your happy, sad, mad or glad. So, this first part of what it is that I’m speaking about today, is to have you really get in touch with how you be in the experience. How you take the experience and use it to be unkind to someone else, most likely. Or what loop do you create? And then how do you feel about that? And when you start to recognize these things, then you’ll start to realize that when you’re in complete control of how you frame things, you don’t have to be at affect. And it takes a lot, it takes a mastery. I gotta tell ya, I really understand this. I’ve been around for a few years and I know what’s it’s like to be in situations where people don’t necessarily align with you. They don’t agree with you. Life’s not getting people to agree with you. It’s about being true and authentic to yourself and allowing people to have their responses to that. So, when you do stop blaming and you go to the breath, and you quiet yourself down, you may find that you need to leave the room. You may need to take such charge that you go, “I am no longer interested in continuing with this conversation. It is not productive, there is nothing that’s going to be supportive for either one of us here. So, let’s both go to our corners, (breath) and quiet down. And then, when we’re both back in a place where all of the hormones and then energies are not so high, let’s try to talk about it then.” Now, that will take a real presence on your part to do that, but you can do that. And of the people that you’re in this situation with are gonna say, “don’t you dare leave the room, I want to say this…,” cuz they want to keep that going. And it’s at this point that you say, “I understand that you’re upset. I am no longer going to engage in this conversation.” Boom. End of subject, walk out of the room, go for a walk, do whatever it is you need to do. Because you need to quiet down those hormones and so does the other person. Because when you are starting this it’s really hard, your adrenal glands go WAH. And when that happens did you know, when you get in an extreme state of upset and anger, that you create actually a poison in your system? And what happens is that will then stay with you for up to at least 72 hours. Ya, 72 hours! Your whole internal system’s gonna be a mess for that long until you really learn how to manage your emotions and your thoughts and your feelings. So, we’re gonna talk more about this tomorrow. And I’m gonna tell you tomorrow about a story about someone that I worked with and how I dealt with that. So, today is a day about contemplating about all the things that I just said. And tomorrow we’ll talk about some action steps about what it is that you can do even more, to really come back to yourself, and to how to help mend that heavy shielding that you frequently get. So, my support to you is that you go to ultimaterelationshipacademy.com, www.ultimaterelationshipacademy.com, and scroll down just below the picture of Rafael and I, and there’s a little box there where you can get a free gift and it’s called: 8 Telltale Signs Your Relationship is in Trouble. There’s some really great information in there in support for you. I invite you to do that. And please forward this video to everybody you know, because everybody goes into situations like that. So, when you do that, they have an opportunity to also receive that free gift and start to get some real tools under your belt. Now, here’s the question for the day: what would it take for me to see and experience this relationship differently? What would it take for me to see and experience this relationship differently? You have a lot on your plate to think about until we chat again. I’m really looking forward to it. Thank you for your comments, I love them, so please continue to do that. Please continue to share, so we can all work together to create this, the world that we all love to live. Until next time, mwah. Feel the hug.
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.