Hi everyone, this is Esateys. Thank you so much for being with me here today, and thank you for being with me for all of the days that you’re with me. I really appreciate you in my life and what I do is really impacted by your participation in what it is that I’m sharing with you. So, today we’re going to speak about relationships, and what do you do when you are hurting in them, part 2, so there’s more on this. So, let’s talk for a moment about the last time that I spoke, and it’s important that you listening to that recording, because it gives you some very deep inner-work. Some personal work to do that’s going to help you get to the place, where what we’re speaking about today, is going to be even more effective. It doesn’t mean today won’t be awesome for you, it’s just that if you listen to that one, it’s gonna kinda all come together a lot more powerfully. And you’re gonna see some UNDERLYING truths if you will, about what it is that goes on with us in relationships. So, last time we spoke about how there was a possibility of a riff, you know, usually we get into a place of hurting because we’ve had some kind of conflict, some kind of non-alignment. And, so what do we do when that occurs is, we want to pick-up with communication. Communication is really, really critical. In fact, I honestly think it’s about the most critical thing every in relationship, because if we cannot communicate effectively, clearly, and with ownership without projection and blame, then we are not going to ever get anybody to ever hear what it is that we’re really trying to say. The walls go up, and there’s just a block-out. So, what do we do when we want to communicate clearly? What we do is we take responsibility over here for what’s going on, and we’re very careful about the words that we use. So, what we do is we remember that’s it’s all about us. It’s all about yourself, and when you are communicating you give up this blame, and the projection, and the victim parts. What you do is you use terminologies of ownership. And what that means is: when this occurs, I feel this way. The opposite of that would say: you did this to me, and you made me feel this way. That’s not possible. It’s not true and it’s not even possible. Because nobody can make you feel anyway other than the way you choose to feel. You have the free-will to decide for yourself what you want to think, how you want to frame it, how you want to feel about it. It’s pretty awesome. When you think about it, you’re a master and you have the ability to be in control. Mm, most people don’t think that. They think they’re victims, they think that things that happen around them have NOTHING to do with them. And they think that if somebody over there would just change, everything would be ok. Doesn’t work that way, I’m sure you’re tried it. Ha, you’re speaking to somebody, or I’m speaking to myself here about somebody who is a master at having tried to get other people what I want them to do. In my past what I did was spend a whole lot of time trying to control everything. I won’t say that I don’t continue to do that to some degree, but the bottom line is, I’m really clear about that. And in my core, I know, and I do make changes that you too can make on a continuous basis. Here’s the key: you have to be in a place where it is your 1st priority. If you want your life to work, YOU have to make it work. And I know a lot of people go, oh, but I can’t, I don’t know how! Well, I’m giving you some clues here. So, you use terminology that’s all about how you are experiencing it, not that they made you do anything. And the next thing you do is you state to that person what you really want. Now, you may not want to say these words out loud, although if you are with somebody that you know well, I recommend that you do. And that is you say “what I really want the most is the love. What I’m really committed to is having us work together and have it work out.” And at that point you can say, “how can we make that occur?” So, you ask them, and ask them to contemplate that because, what you’ve done is you’ve told them that you don’t want to fight. You don’t want to be in conflict, you don’t want to be at adversity. What you really want is a connection. Now, if you’re with a boss or someone that it doesn’t say comfortable to say that, you can say, “look, I really would like to get this resolved. I would like the experience where we all feel like we’re winning. So, how could we do that? What’s the next step you think we could take that would allow us to have some results that we are both going to be really happy for?” And what’s going to have to happen, is you are going to have to decide to stop your judgements. That means that you stop projecting your stuff over there, and you start looking internally and say, ok, what can I do that will help change this circumstance? What if I wasn’t judging them? What if I wasn’t making them wrong? What if I made the decision to be whom it is that I truly want to be, not that raggy piece that sometimes shows up? You know, welcome to being human. But that’s no excuse. Being human is not an excuse for projecting, for yelling, for screaming, for blaming, for fighting, for anything. Being right. Do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? Because being right does not mean happy, in fact it usually means the opposite. So, think about that power of being so clear and so connected that when you are in a state of humbleness if you will, or you’re in a place of really quiet, allowing of the other person to have say for what it is they want to speak about. Then it’s at that point that you’re really in the power because you’re deciding how the conversation goes. So, if your ego needs a little bit of support with that, just recognize you’re actually in control, you’re just getting different techniques to get what it is that you want, across to people. So, you stand strong. You stand strong for the love. You stand strong for the win. You stand strong to help not only yourself feel better, but they feel really great too. Because that’s the way you are literally going to make a difference in what it is that you would like to have occur in the entire situation. I had somebody that I used to work with, and some of you have heard this story. And his name was Dr. Nick, and it’s when I was working as nurse practitioner I’m still licensed in that not but I’m not working traditionally. I was in a traditional clinic and it just seemed that we had this rub. He was always over my shoulder, always watching what I was doing. He criticized pretty much everything that I did, and he knew that I didn’t think like him. We had different ways of communicating and our belief systems were very different. And I felt like I was under the gun all of the time, and I was not a happy girl. I didn’t know how to be with him, I felt myself just shutting down. You know that feeling when you’re with somebody and you just feel like they’re on you all the time? They’re hovering over you or they’re criticizing you even if they’re not saying anything? That’s the place I was in, it was not a fun place to be. So, I decided for myself that what I need to do was, I need to clean that up internally. So, what did I do? Every night and every morning, I would visualize him in my minds-eye, and when I did that, I would see this energy, or you can call it a light, or you can call it the love, or you can call it whatever you want, it can be a color, it doesn’t matter. But the intention behind that is that you desire to really dissolve the incongruencies between you, and that you just allow yourself to share the love if you will, from your heart. So, for me I said stuff from my heart to his heart. And sometimes it wasn’t really easy, because some days he was not very kind to me. And yet, I still had to look at what it is that I needed to do to be responsible. So, I did this day after day after day, week after week actually. And then it even turned into months. And then one day I had a little note on my time-card, which in those days you used hand cards, and he said, “see me in my office.” And I went to see him and he said, “I’m really sorry but our clinic did not get the grant that we needed to continue on with the staff that we have, and so, we have to let 50% of our staff go. And it’s going by who’s been here the longest.” Short-story is that I was laid-off. And as I sat there in front of him in his office, he said “you know, I’m really sorry. I know I’ve been hard on you and I really appreciate all that you have done, and I feel really badly.” And by this time, you know, I’m crying and he said, “you are really, really, really good at what you do, and I would like to help you get a job. In fact, I’d like to call this cardiologist and ask him if he’s got room for you. And I know another doctor as well, and I’m gonna work with you until you get a job.” Well by now, I’m bawling like crazy. And then he stands up, and this is a big man, like 300 and something pounds and came over to me and he said, “can I have a hug?” And I was so taken back by his open heart. The real moral to this story is that it is within you to make the difference of how it is that you want it to be. All I did was inner-work. I never said anything on the outer to him at all. You can do that. Another thing you can do is become very familiar with Ho’oponopono. And you can google that and ask me, and I’ll try and spell it correctly for you, but it’s a very powerful technique of healing that works tremendously. It’s a great story and I think that you will like it. This is your time to make a very significant difference in the way that you have been dealing with anybody that you have conflict with, especially in a close relationship that you’re not really as comfortable as you would like to be with. So, give up victim. And give up the idea that you have to be right. And put yourself in a place where your greatest focus and your biggest commitment is to have the love be inside of you. That means you’re aligned to your truth. And people may or may not aligned with you, but you will be in the core place, the eye of the hurricane as I call it. So, I invite you to contemplate these ideas, and live them. Work them. And let me know if there’s any way that I can support you. If you’d like to receive a free gift, then go to www.ultimaterelationshipacademy.com and scroll down, just a little bit underneath the picture of Rafael and I. And there’s a free audio, might be a pdf, it might be an e-book that is about the 8 Telltale Signs That Your Relationship is in Trouble. You may not feel that your relationship’s in trouble, and that’s terrific. But there’s some very powerful tools in there that are going to help you have every relationship be improved upon wherever it is right now. Here’s your question for today: what if I gave up the need to be right? What if I gave up the need to be right? This is your opportunity to have the most awesome day of your life so far, the most awesome relationships of your life so far, and the most awesome life that you could ever dream or imagine. I’m with you, and until next time, feel the hug.
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.