Hi everyone, this is Esateys. Today I’m going to speak about, is being the nice guy the answer? Actually, always I am looking at what it is that’s going on with people when I’m observing the human condition, and just watching. And lately I’ve been very astutely aware of the different personality types and the way that people are. And we’ve been speaking to people about different coaching and different business things and all these different things, and based on that I’ve watching how people approach, and how they be in themselves, and how they be with other people. It’s really fascinating, because some will come across with a really kind, gentle way of being with you. They speak slowly, they’re interacting with you, they’re kinda like with you. And others are just BLAH, all they’re doing is just telling, telling, telling, and they’re not in a place where they ever stop for feedback.
They’re not really in a place where they’re with you and they seem kind of pushy and dominant. And I’m noticing that a lot of times in business, this is pretty characteristic that there are those that are more what I call heart-centered. And then there are those that are very “we’re gonna get this, and we’re gonna get this done now,” and they’re pretty hyper, but both of them are very successful. But, there’s just a difference in personality. So, my question to you is, what do you feel most comfortable with?
Now, the people that are pretty active and very alive in their lives and very sharp and they are in a constant state of doing this, you may be the people that are drawn to the people that speak, you know like a hundred miles an hour? And then, there’s those of you that like, ok, I just want to hear what it is that you have to say, don’t like give me a big, long zippo story in a Power Point, I want to be able to feel what it’s like. The reason it’s important for you to know this is because when you are with people, you’re probably evaluating whether you think that they are nice people, or not nice people.
Do they appeal to you or do they not appeal to you? Do you feel shut-off or do you not feel shut-off? And that’s because of what it is you have going on inside of you. So now, and I’m just being a little extreme here with both sides, but where are you at? Are you one of those, I want to make everybody happy, I’m gonna say it just right and I’m gonna acquiesce to whatever it is that they want? Or, are you one of those dominant and pushy types that just says, this is what we’re doing, and this is how we’re gonna do it, and this is what I’ve done, and you don’t listen to anything else, just listen to me because I know the answers? And what you’ll find is both sides will create certain levels of success in their life, they’re not appealing to everyone.
So, look at your personality, what do you really enjoy? Ok, now that you’ve done that, how do you be with other people? Are you a fixer? Are you a, I don’t want any confrontation? Are you the kind of people that will do whatever it is that will get everybody to like you and say yes? Or, as I said a few moments ago, are you the kind that is just that pushy type? So, I’m going into this place because I think it’s powerful for us to know who we are, and what we attract, and how we like it. Now, my ideal, you know I’m back in concussion again, what’s true for me is that generally, I like things that are quick. Obviously, you know most of the time I speak you know, 90 miles an hour, maybe not 100 but 90 miles an hour. But, I also like to make sure that people feel good, this is just part of what I am about, because I enjoy feeling good and I do like when people feel great about themselves. That’s my work, my work is to help people know who they really are, and how powerful they are and how important they are, and how they can make a difference in their own lives and other people’s lives because of that incredible sense of being in the love, or the joy or the connectedness, or whatever words you want to use.
Now, that doesn’t matter whether it’s business or personal relationships or money or whatever it is, it’s who you be internally. So, when you know more about who you are, you’ll know whom it is that you’re attracting towards you. And you can start observing, if you’re one of those I don’t really like confrontation people, are you taking the time to tell your truth? Are you being authentic? Are you squelching and suppressing yourself because you’re too afraid? Are you at that way over here extreme, not good/bad, not right/wrong nothin? It’s just what it is, but the question is, are you being all that you can be in that moment? Because if you’re a people pleaser big-time, which many women are I might add, and some men, but women are specialists at that. Well, if that’s what it is that you’re about, then look deeper and see if you’re really happy with that.
Do you like being that wild person that’s really clear and authentic and forward and empowered? Or, do you like feeling a little bit less-than so other people more-than? It’s just a great observation. And if you’re one of those people that is really pushy, and you really dominate the situation, then how do people respond to you? Do you get the results you’re looking for? Are you able to have the results from the conversation or from the relationship that you really want? Because when you get these two personalities together, ooh baby, you got some issues going on most of the time! Because the one dominant person who might use anger or control or whatever, to get that situation in their control, the other person depending upon how they be, will then shut themselves down and become less, they wilt like a flower. I did that once in my relationships in the past, and it’s not a good feeling.
So, it’s taken me a long time to move myself back to a place of empowerment where I am able to hear that, but that’s not something that I’m comfortable with, nor is it something that I enjoy dealing with in my life, so I set my boundaries. So, this whole talk today is about introspection for you. If you’re the pushy, dominant type and you’re not getting the results that you want, think about speaking from down here in your chest a little bit lower, I think they call that the heart? The place that’s a little bit softer, a little bit more aligned with the person you’re speaking to. Most of you have heard of NLP, neuro-linguistic programming, well in NLP what you learn to mirror and be aware the people that you’re speaking to are. Everyone ought to take an NLP class, because if you allow yourself to pace with the person that you’re with, you will be a lot more successful in your conversations and in every other way that you are communicating in every single area of your life.
So, it might be something fun to just kind of look up, or get the principles of that and think about what the bottom line is. And here’s the bottom line: everything we do is because we’re looking for some payoff. We want something. Whether you like to think that’s so or not, it is. And what that means is, you might be a giver, a contributor, or a philanthropist or whatever because it makes you feel good. If you’re dominant and controlling, you feel good because you’re in power. If you’re suppressed, then you many times, will feel good because that person feels more, but ultimately underneath all of these things, people really aren’t feeling good or they wouldn’t boast up or be, or become less than. It’s that neutral place that you want to find the joy, that’s where you’ll find the joy.
So, think about that today, and determine for yourself where you’re at. And if you like where you’re at, cool keep it. And if you don’t, think about shifting it to maybe a little bit different. Instead of scales being one extreme or the other, what if you became a little bit more even with yourself, and you allowed yourself to find the balance? So, you were speaking and being from your heart, while you were being clear and authentic and empowered, and that person that you were with, really got, really got that you cared. But you weren’t a worm of the dust or an ant on the hill or whatever. We have a lot of ants in our house right now, so that’s why I’ve got ants on my mind.
So, I want to ask you to continue to share, to comment, and to give me all the feedback you possibly can. Give this to other people, pass it along, it’s how we help each other. And the other thing I’d like to invite you to do is go to my website, esateys.com and you can receive two free gifts there. And, you can be on my mailing list, so you know what’s happening in this world that might be able to support your world in a way that’s very profound.
So, here’s your question to contemplate for today: what if I lived a completely balanced life and communicated with an open heart, but a clear, empowered, authentic way of being? Might have to backtrack this so you can write it down, but do that and really see what it feels like to do that. What if I did that, what would my life be like? Whoa, it just might be a little different. I’m looking forward to next time, and until then, mwah. Feel the hug.
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.