I’ve Heard of a Narcissist but and Inverted Narcissist?
What is an inverted narcissist and how is this person different from any other narcissist? Who is a narcissist in the first place? Have you ever asked yourself such questions? Have you wondered how narcissists survive in this world? Where they find people who tolerate them, understand them or even love them? Well, wonder no more, you are about to find out. A narcissist is an individual who pursues gratification from vanity or admiring their own features, a narcissist is characterized by an excessive need for admiration, exaggerated feelings of self-importance and a lack of understanding of others’ feelings. An individual who craves and depends entirely on a narcissist may be an inverted narcissist. This person is also known as a covert narcissist, a narcissist-codependent, or a mirror narcissist.
Who is an inverted narcissist?
This is a type of person who is exclusively emotionally co-dependent on a classic narcissist. Codependency is a form of dysfunctional relationship with behavior comparable to dependent personality disorder. In it, one person encourages another person’s addiction, irresponsibility, immaturity, or poor mental health. A major codependency characteristic is relying excessively on another person for your sense of identity and approval. As a codependent, an inverted narcissist cannot function by herself. Her behavior and thinking is structured around the classic narcissist. Most narcissists grew up with narcissistic parents which is where the behavior was nurtured.
What Is an Inverted Narcissist? – Signs to Look Out For
What differentiates a covert narcissist from other types of people or from the classic narcissist? How can you tell if you or someone you know is one? Here are some signs to look out for.
- They are passive-aggressive and commonly form unstable and intense relationships
- They lack empathy manifested as continuous dishonesty and over-controlling behavior
- They ignore their needs while being extremely concerned with those of others
- They fear abandonment and play the role of victim, exhibiting demanding, clingy, and submissive behavior to avoid being alone.
- They have an inability to trust combined with low self-esteem
- They exhibit an overpowering longing for affection and acceptance
- They feel empty, unhappy and habitually display a bored state of mind
- They are perfectionists who look down on themselves most of the time
- They are externally fragile, defensive, shy, and self-centered.
- They can be paranoid hostile and display superior smugness.
- They rarely take responsibility for their behavior or events involving them
- They are emotionally sensitive and don’t know how to handle negative criticism.
Interpreting what co-narcissism means
Narcissists relate to other people in a codependent manner commonly referred to as co-narcissism. Codependents of narcissists are known as co-narcissists. A codependent in a relationship attains their purpose and self-worth through extreme sacrifice to gratify their partner. In codependent relationships, one person lacks independence and isn’t fulfilled without the other. Sometimes both partners may be unable to function without the other.
Classic narcissists seek and pair up with partners who can prioritize their needs beyond their own. The inverted types become the perfect codependents because they are clingy, submissive, shy, and obedient and mirror the behavior and lives of classic narcissists. This is proven in that they can comfortably stay in the background while the narcissist stays in the spotlight.
What keeps co-narcissism relationships going is one narcissist’s desire to satisfy another through sacrifice and the other’s need to be esteemed. The classic narcissist provides a continuous supply of narcissism keeping the introvert content. Individuals in a co-narcissist relationship think of people as objects readily discarded when they are no longer needed without caring about their feelings.
Taking the inverted narcissist test
One way to find out if you are a covert narcissist is, by taking an inverted narcissist quiz. This quiz provides offers you questions where you answer according to a ranking scale provided. The scale depends on whether you agree, remain neutral or disagree with questions posed. An inverted narcissist test sample is provided below to help you gauge yourself.
Maladaptive Covert Narcissism Scale (MCNS)
It’s a simple test to assess whether you can be an inverted narcissist. To answer the questions, select a number that best represents to what extent you identify with the behavior or feeling presented. When done, the inverted narcissist quiz requires you add up the numbers to obtain a total score. A score of less than 40 means you are a mild covert narcissist. A score of 82 and above means you are most likely one. Scoring above 97 indicates that you are indeed an inverted narcissist. However, it is wise to take more tests with qualified practitioners before concluding so.
Do your best to be totally honest with yourself when you take this quiz. If you do have a scale over 40 do not stress. Rather, find a coach or attend a retreat that can support you in shifting to a more balanced and joyful way of living and Being. Since narcissism is connected to poor Self Esteem you can get help here: www.esateys.com. There is coaching and retreats available to support you.
1 = strongly disagree
2 = disagree
3 = neutral
4 = typical or agree
5 =strongly agree or true
- ___ I can easily become engrossed thinking about myself, my health, finances, my personal affairs, or my relationship with others.
- ___ My feelings are easily upset by the remarks or ridicule of other people.
- ___ I get self-conscious when I enter a room and feel the eyes are on me.
- ___ I feel that my temperament is uniquely different from other people
- ___ I am envious of attractive people
- ___ When I am criticized, I feel disgraced
- ___ I am overly sensitive to failure and success
- ___ I cannot stand rejection and try to avoid it no matter what
- ___ Nobody seems to understand any of my problems
- ___ I am quick to interpret people’s remarks in a personal manner
- ___ I detest sharing achievement recognition with others
- ___ It’s easy for me to be immersed in my interests and forget the existence of others
- ___ I frequently feel lonely and uneasy even within a company of friends
- ___ In the relationships I am involved in, I tend to despise and adore my partner alternately
- ___ I sometimes have unexplained violent fantasies
- ___ I view other people as either terrible or wonderful
- ___ Though I avoid showing it, disappointment or failure normally anger or humiliate me
- ___ I am bitter at those who have what I don’t
- ___ I detest crowds unless I feel one or more of the members appreciates me
- ___ I wish people admired my good qualities more
- ___ I am secretly angry when people approach me for sympathy or take my time
- ___ My friends would be shocked at my inner feelings, thoughts and actions
- ___ I have no desire to worry about people’s problems because I have enough
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.