When the mind is going a little bit crazy your thoughts are going in a circular manner, then it is time for you to step into a place where you become an observer. But what can you do to control your thoughts? Is it even possible to control your thoughts? In this episode, Esateys and Rafael Stuchiner reveal the answer to these important questions. Listen to this episode as hosts Esateys and Rafael Stuchiner discuss how we can control our thoughts and lessen the fears we may develop in life.
Episode Takeaway: “Observing the thought takes away the immediacy of our feelings and allows us to put some distance or perspective to it.”
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Controlling Your Thoughts. Is it Possible?
Our topic is going to be controlling your thoughts. Is it possible? Esateys, what’s on your mind?
This was a particularly interesting topic for me because I’ve been coaching many people and most of them have been going through this experience of feeling like their mind has taken over their lives. There’s so much chatter, so much rhetoric going on that it’s been driving a few people right up against the wall. Because of that, one of the things that came to my mind was to talk about this thing that happens. What you’ll notice is that this mental gibberish overload occurs for most people in cycles. Sometimes your mind is quieter than others for the majority of people. At other times it doesn’t go still. The question is what about controlling your thoughts or what can you do to control your thoughts? Is it even possible to control your thoughts? Let me tell you that the actual answer is no. I want to uplift everyone right off the bat. The answer is no, but it’s also, yes.
That’s spoken like a true lawyer. I’m the lawyer, so what are you talking about?
When we notice that our thoughts are going in a circular manner, like an endless tape, it usually means that some part of us has been activated or brought to a place where it is threatened. That means that there’s fear. When there is fear, then the personality or the ego becomes very disturbed and it starts chattering. It starts running to all the file cabinets in the brain that will bring up whatever it can to divert itself from its fear. It’s a funny thing because the ego is based on fear. It creates the fear and then it tries to get itself out of the fear. Don’t ask me, it’s not something that’s explainable except for the fact that it is a part of the game called life. When the mind is going a little bit crazy, then it is time for you to step into a place where you become an observer. This is where you have the ability to demonstrate some true support within yourself, some real power inside yourself.
What that power looks like is to notice all of the chatter that’s going on. In my mind, it’s like I’m standing behind myself and I’m watching whatever it is that’s going on. I’m listening to the mind, whatever it’s saying, whatever it’s doing, and I don’t do anything with it. That means that the thoughts can go rampant and I’m observing the thoughts. This is truly the key to our conversation. If you walk away from this conversation knowing that the number one thing that you can do that will support you in your thought processes is to observe them, then you will have walked away with a tremendous gem. It’s something that truly will change you and the way that you stress or don’t more profoundly than ever before.
Let’s maybe start at basics. Where do these thoughts come from?
These thoughts come from old programming. They come from experiences that we have had in our lives. They come from things that we have heard in our upbringing from our parents, our siblings, the internet, the TV, the radio, our teachers, our friends and books. It doesn’t matter. Any place that you’re receiving input is giving you another something to think about. When that thought comes in, when we’re very small, we take it as blatant truth. We don’t question our parents until we do. It’s a matter of how old you are before. The truth is that frequently occurs on a subconscious level, so extremely young. Your parent will put you in the crib, put you to bed and you’re going, “Uh-uh.” That is in itself a conflicting statement. They’re saying, “Get in bed, go to sleep,” and you’re going, “I’m still awake and I don’t want to.” You start screaming like a maniac. It starts very young. From a conscious viewpoint, what occurs is that as we become old enough to discern that we have a choice, we don’t believe that there is anything but the golden truth that comes from our parents.
The biggest input, the biggest impact, the biggest intensity of our development comes from what it is that our parents tell us and what we hear from most regularly. That means that we take it as law and as we get older and we start to see that there’s another way of looking at this, there’s somebody else that’s saying something different. That’s not what they said on the internet. They didn’t say that on the radio. Pretty soon the mind gets a little bit confused and as it goes through its confusion, it starts to question. All of a sudden, many times the mind will become extremely overloaded because it doesn’t know what to believe. It doesn’t know what is real. It doesn’t know what it can depend on and that’s like a free fall. In that free fall comes a disturbance which is called lack of safety, which translates into fear. The fear is the factor that occurs.
What then occurs is there is a repetitiveness of that, usually the thought process and the emotion attached to it, meaning fear. That being repeated regularly creates a program, a belief system. A concept is born and the concept is whatever that might be. It’s not safe to tell the truth. It’s not safe to ask for things. It’s not okay for me to have my own voice, my own opinion. It could be anything. It could be something like we have to work hard all of our lives and that we can’t have what we want. “I was born and made to be poor. I was not a smart child.” Whatever the case may be, we take that in and we make that our way of believing, thinking and living. It becomes a personal law. We don’t know this is going on and therefore it overtakes us. That’s where the origination comes from.
We have these beliefs, these programs. What’s responsible for them coming up at any particular moment? Fear, fight or flight, I could understand. That’s pretty real. Any of the other thoughts that we have, why do they come up sometimes and not other times? Who’s running the ship?
I’ll tell you that but give me an example.
You say something to me like, “It would have been nice if you had done this particular project in a certain way.” I have many possible responses. “I have a program running. I’m not good enough. I’ve had criticism from my parents. I’ve also had many experiences of being very successful and very productive.” Why does one come up? Who’s in control at any particular time? Who is controlling the ship?Every person has many core issues. One of which is the lack principle. Click To Tweet
Who’s controlling the ship is the one that has been emphasized, relived or that has had the most energy put to it. If you grow up hearing, “I’m not enough. I can’t do that. I don’t do that right,” you are not measuring up to whatever the standards are that your parents or whomever, your teacher perhaps, said that you ought to measure up. When that happens repeatedly, the feeling of a deep core sense of lack emerges. Every person has many core issues, one of which is the lack principle. “I’m not enough. There isn’t enough. Everything is in shortage.” It’s like a big alarm goes off because that holds the possibility of you not doing good enough. It activates that file, that program. The energy, because it’s familiar, runs up to that file cabinet, opens it up and everything falls out. All of a sudden you are dumping on your partner or whomever if you’re in a place where you can do that. You’re immediately feeling back all of the pain and the suffering of not feeling enough that you acquired and you put in the file cabinet from, for example, your parents. That pain, suffering, difficulty and personal judgment did not get handled when it happened. Instead, it was shoved away. That doesn’t mean it went away.
You’re saying it was stuffed away.
That means that we, in our own evolutionary process, are committed to, whether we know it or not, becoming more educated about ourselves and understanding ourselves more. What we do is we bring up these programs and they’re up for us to re-evaluate, to look more deeply, to investigate the truth about the reality. We have a better understanding of where it originated and how without knowing that we had other choices or perceptions, we took that as law. When we have it come up and we allow ourselves to observe, notice it and not be reactive to it, then what occurs is the energy given to it is so dissipated that it shrivels up. It is unable to exist after some time. Many of you reading regularly have seen me give this example, but I’m going to give it again because it’s pertinent to what it is that we’re speaking about.
There is this devotee or disciple that walks up to his guru and says, “Guru, I have these two wolves and one of them is loving, kind and has such an amazing way of looking at life. I have this other one that’s constantly judging and critical and nothing’s ever right and I’m not right and all of these things. I don’t know what to do about this. Which one do I put my energy to it? How do I get rid of the one I don’t want?” The guru said, “The one that will survive and flourish is the one that you feed.” What that means is that if you give energy to the, “I’m not enough, I never do it good enough,” and you exacerbate that or you embellish that with the energy of reliving it over and over again, then that is the wolf that you are feeding.
If you observe it, not ignore or stuff it, “There’s a program running,” you go back to the other side of the street and you start feeding the part of, “I am so glad I found a different perception for that. I’m glad that I now know the truth.” Whatever it is that you may do in those moments, that’s where you’re going to find that your evolution becomes more profound. Every time you release or delete one of these programs from the stuffed file cabinet, the archives, the more aware you become. The more you are able to see clearly, the more that you are able to speak with distinctive awareness that comes from a deeper place than just the recycled programming or recycled ignorance.
To bring that back to what you started speaking about, which was that observing the thoughts was the most powerful thing you could do. When we get to be able to take away is when we’re able to see it from a distant place. We can deal with it differently than if it’s us involved or enmeshed in that experience.
We do what it is that you’re saying. If we take what’s going on and when we jump into that den, we are feeding the wolf of negativity, wrong, not enough, all of the core issues that exist within human beings. That’s the place that you don’t want to visit or frequent at the highest level you can because that will not get you the joy that you’re ultimately looking for.
In simpler terms, don’t feed yourself to the wolf. How can we stop ourselves and how can we become aware of our thoughts that for me, for so many times, it keeps coming without us even knowing that we’re thinking? Sometimes we start daydreaming or ensconced something and we don’t even know what that we’re doing it. The reason I asked the question is I’m not quite there yet and I know that what I’m thinking is so precious and I’m so left-brained that it’s important to know where your thoughts are at any given moment.
It’s the Reader’s Digest version of the question what are the tools and how do I go about and being aware of the thoughts and then shifting them. The very first thing to do is have a desire and an intention to be more aware, to be more conscious. We have a program called AQDQ: Awareness Quotient, Desire Quotient. I literally give you steps on how to do this with an exercise. It’s quite profound, but let’s give you a few tools here. One is you start with the intention that you are more aware. How do you start with that intention? First of all, you make the statement to yourself and ideally write it down. The next thing that you do, which can be extremely helpful is in the old days we use something that’s called a motivator. Now, everybody has a phone so you can put on your phone an alarm that goes off every hour. When we use the motivator, I will set it for every minute or every three minutes, but you pick a number that works for you and let your alarm go off. When it does, you become aware of what it is that you’ve been thinking.
Go do an inventory in your head about what’s been going on. Where are you in that moment? Are you present in your body? Can you feel your fingers and your toes? What kinds of things have been ruminating? Has there been something that’s been going over in your mind over and over again or are you completely focused in the moment? In other words, it’s an awareness moment. If you choose to have an awareness moment, that means that you have to make that a new way of being, a new habit. We know that forming new habits takes say 21 days. I say for some, maybe 30 days that you continuously are setting that alarm and even writing about it. When you do that, it will become a way of thinking, a way of living, a way of remembering.Humans work best when they learn something through repetitiveness. Click To Tweet
Every evening, you could write in a journal and write down all the things that you can remember with awareness. “I was aware that I made that phone call. I was aware that I felt irritated when I spoke to whomever. I was aware that I felt very excited when I got that email.” Bring back the awareness that you had that you didn’t even know that you had. This focused intention is going to bring you back to a higher level of habituation. In other words, humans work best when they learn something through repetitiveness. That comes through repeating the same behavior over and over again. We have intention, we have setting an alarm, we have writing in a journal in the evening about the things that you’re remembering. The other thing that you can do is to ask someone that you are close to or someone that you work with or whatever to be your partner and ask for an accountability partner. In doing so, you can ask that partner to ask you and if they’re interested, you can ask them.
At that moment, you can say, “Where’s your mind at? How are you feeling?” It’ll bring you back into your body. We are unconscious because we’re not present in our bodies. That means that we have to get present. Awareness comes from being in that very moment. Knowing what we think, what we feel and what we’re doing is a rarity for most people because they are swirling somewhere around themselves. Another thing that occurs is if you have a trigger, something that irritates you, you start to feel that tightness in your gut or a flame like a bonfire going off inside of you. That’s a very big clue that you’ve got some thought processes running that have framed something in a way that doesn’t make you happy. It conflicts with a belief system that you have. When that occurs, you use that as a tool to help you become even more aware.
At this point, you feel the feelings and you immediately become an observer of the feelings. This is one option. That means that you watch your mind going round and round. I’m pretty sure everyone who’s reading has had that thing where something occurred and you keep replaying that conversation over and over. When that occurs, observe that. No judgment. You don’t do anything with it. That’s one of your options. Another option is when you notice that you’re triggered. Something is uncomfortable inside of you. Drop your focus into your body and feel what the body sensations are. Feel the tightness in your gut. Notice if your jaw is clenched. Notice that your eyebrows may be furrowed. Notice if you’re clenching your fists or your toes are tight and curled.
What’s happening in your physical body? You’re not doing anything with anything. You’re noticing how your body is responding. The more frequently you do these things that I’m speaking about, the more aware you will become. The more aware you become, the more masterful you will be at diminishing your thoughts taking charge of your life instead of you making a decision to what degree you would like to spend on things that may or may not be making you feel as good as you would like to feel.
You were talking about being able to observe the thoughts. One thought that came to me is the notion of being able to observe or look at what’s happening as if it were up on a big TV screen and we’re watching a movie. It takes out the immediate identification with self and we can see a bunch of actors, things happening to them and whatever we do where we go to the movies or on TV, so that it takes away the immediacy of our feelings and allows us to put some distance or perspective to it.
That is a great idea. It’s something that I have recommended and I think is a great reminder to do because you are becoming disassociated from it. I’m talking about two pretty different things. One is to go into the feeling and feel the body sensations and you are not resisting what’s going on. That in and of itself will dissipate the feeling and actually eliminate it if you can go deep enough into it without a whole lot of mental rhetoric. The other is to do what it is when we talked about observing and the example that you gave, which is a great idea. See what it is your mind is telling you on the screen and you’re sitting in the audience watching the screen play this movie. In fact, this is a great thing to do if you have somebody who was verbally attacking you. What you do is you look at them and it’s like somebody hit the mute button and all you can see is their lips moving and gyrations going on. You can’t hear any words.
It’s quite fascinating to do that because what it does is it puts you in a place where you are not at effect, but instead you hit the mute button and you are not going to be a victim of whatever the words were in you. I’ve had many of the people that I’ve worked with do this and it is awesome. In fact, the biggest thing is that frequently, you want to start laughing and that sometimes will make the other person angry. You may or may not want to do that depending upon who you’re with. The bottom line is that you can look at them and you’re seeing right through them as a playful way to not hear anything.
In our more advanced work, what we do is see this all as a game and we don’t have to take it in and be so real. Although I must say when I’m triggered, it feels pretty real. In reality, it’s not real.
Those tools are a good start. If you have an interest in learning more, we always have the AQDQ program that you can find on our website at Esateys.com. If it’s something that’s getting to you, if it’s bothering you, remember I do one-on-one coaching and we also do retreats and other things that you can receive deeper and more profound support to move through. Some of these things, we speak lightly about them, but they’re sometimes hard. It isn’t always as easy as it sounds because we have some deep programming going on and to eliminate that deep program in twenty seconds or twenty minutes, it doesn’t happen usually that way, although it’s absolutely possible. It takes consistency, commitment, follow-through and usually support.
The support from someone else to help you see what you can’t see at that moment. I wanted to reiterate and press on a point that you made, Esateys. That is the importance of awareness. This awareness thing goes to whether you are or can be happy. It goes to how you interact with others in all of your relationships. You can’t change anything within yourself, which is where any change must occur for something to change unless you’re aware of it first.
Awareness is beyond incredibly essential to any work that we can do on our self in order to change something that is happening with us that we’re not so happy about. Every conversation we have always ends up in awareness. That’s a takeaway to think about. We have a question. This is a question that came from Amy in San Francisco. We did a show about the body and we haven’t had a chance to get to is, “I can’t seem to master my sugar cravings. What’s a healthier way to snack so I can feel satisfied?”
Amy, thank you for writing. We appreciate when people write to us with their questions. At Esateys@Esateys.com, write Podcast Question in the subject line because this is for you all to be able to have questions answered and grow to a new level as you desire to. Amy, sugar cravings are a big one because it is an addiction just like smoking, alcohol, sex, drugs, anything. It’s hard and I have a lot of compassion for that. The body becomes very used to having something. I’m going to give you a quick overview here. First of all, sometimes the sugar cravings are because of a blood sugar issue. It’s important for you. You can actually go to the doctor and ask them to run a blood test on you, a blood sugar and a Hemoglobin A1c because that’ll say where your blood sugar has been for the last three months so you can rule out anything physical.Observing the thought takes away the immediacy of our feelings and allows us to put some distance or perspective to it. Click To Tweet
Secondly, please understand that sugar cravings are frequently from parasites and literally worms in our bodies. If you have never wormed yourself or never had any parasite care, that’s something that you want to look into. I can help you with that. If you have an interest, let me know or find someone who can support you with that. Because we would ideally worm our bodies three times a year. We remember that we worm our dogs, horses and cats and all those other things. I don’t know why we think we should not do ourselves because we get those kinds of things from lettuce and everywhere else. That is another thing to consider because certain things like candida and certain amoebas, they crave sugar and they will increase your sugar desire so they can be nourished. I know it’s a little gross, but that is what it is.
Before you go on, could you explain to people what worming yourself means or what’s entailed? Because the first time you told that to me, I thought you were totally off the wall.
It means that you take some pills, some capsules or herbal in nature. You take them starting before the full moon and before the new moon and you go through a cycle of maybe two months, depending upon if you’ve ever done this before and it will help eliminate. It’s amazing how much better you will feel when you have those things cleared out of your body. It’s not some weird thing that you have to do to your body. It’s a cleansing thing. The other thing is too, at the highest level you can cut down on your sugar intake. Be conscious of what has sugar in it. If you drink sodas, eat candies, if you do all those type things, any processed food, pasta and things like that, they turn into sugar very quickly and that’s going to create a much more radical rebound effect because it’s called reactive hypoglycemia.
Your sugar is going to go way up, then your insulin is going to be expressed and then that will cause the sugar to go way down and then you have the sugar cravings all over again. That’s another little tidbit of information. If you know that you can’t handle it, then find sugars that are metabolized differently than processed sugars. That means that you pay attention to what kinds of sugars you are taking in and use fruit as your sugar. A lot of sugar is in fruit, but it’s metabolized differently than if you eat a cookie. Another thing you can do is you will find that if you eat certain vegetables that are pretty high in carbohydrates like peas and carrots, there’s actually a fair amount of sugar in them, even sweet potato, and that will many times help you reach a more satisfied place.
If you still feel like you need more things, then do your best to go to and buy your sweet food from a health food store that uses sugars that are not of high fructose corn syrup and all those other kinds of things, but rather things that are more natural. This is a big one. Read the ingredient label on every single thing that you put in your mouth. That means if it comes from nature, you don’t have to read the ingredients because there isn’t. There aren’t any. If we’re talking about a protein bar or we’re talking about yogurt, some yogurts have 30 grams of sugar in them. In the ideal world, work your way down to having no more than ten grams at the most in any one thing that you eat. Ideally, five. Most protein bars have five grams of sugar. Yes, it has a little chocolate, but it has less sugar and it doesn’t have yucky sugar in it.
There are things that you can purchase that will be a little bit more acceptable to your body. If you are willing to make some of any of those changes, you will notice a very significantly different experience in your body and in your cravings. The last piece of this is that sugar cravings are many times because of an emotional need. The emotional need is usually that we don’t feel safe and that lack of safety can come from being in a relationship that doesn’t feel safe. It can be about money, not feeling like you’re taken care of or you have enough money. It could be that you’re in a relationship or in an environment where you are attacked verbally, physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically in any way. That makes us want to cover ourselves up or buffer.
Put up a buffer layer that ends up being fat on the body. We all know that when you have more tissue on the body than your body needs, it makes your body work so hard. It is way harder on all of your organs and people die from having so much fat around their organs even though they can’t see it. It’s those deeper things that you also want to look at as you’re looking at your commitment to handle your eating aka sugar, aka carbohydrate experience. Hopefully, those are enough tools to get you started and know that I’m always here for you.
It’s been an awesome show because I think what we got about this awareness thing is a great takeaway for all of us to keep in mind. What’s the question of the day?
That would be, what would it take for me to observe every thought? That means you don’t dive into the thought and go insane about it. It means you watch the thought come and go. The less energy you give it, the more profoundly it will diminish.
These questions are so powerful. I can’t even begin to say enough about them. I actually have programmed them into my phone every hour. My phone goes off with a question that I have pre-programmed and I would suggest for maximum or fastest change is to utilize those questions because you may not know the answer now, but the answer will come to you sooner or later. It will open up vistas that you’ve never considered before.
The idea is to not look for an answer with your mind. The purpose of these questions is for it to be rhetorical. It sends a message out through the mind and something will show up at some unknown and unplanned time or space that will help you become more enlightened about what it is that you are asking.
With that, we will see you in the next episode.
May the force be with you because it already is. Take care, feel a hug.
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Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.