RDD 21 | Communication

 

There are so many different ways to express and communicate. The first thing to remember is to know where you’re coming from because it will lead to miscommunication and misinterpretation if you don’t. Today, we talk about the importance of communication and how it can make or break a relationship. Discover the four critical factors of good communication and the skills of a superb communicator. As we delve into how body language can offer clues to determine how your partner takes everything that you say, find out why we think detachment is not where the growth factor for being an excellent communicator comes from.

 

 

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How Communication Can Make Or Break Your Relationship

This is a very special show that I know you’re going to get something out of. Our topic is how communication can make or break your relationship. We’re all anxious to get into a relationship or most of us are anxious to get into a relationship and then when we get into a relationship, what do we do? Communication is the number one thing that I can think of that one needs to be totally conscious and aware of.

Communication is the key. In fact, in all of the years that I’ve been doing coaching, I would say that it is the number one issue that is the cause of so much disparity between people. It’s not what it is you’re saying, it’s how you’re saying it and how the other person is receiving it. You have to have a 360 parameter when we talk about communication. I was coaching someone who is with somebody that hasn’t been with her for a long time. Because she’s been doing work with me for some time, she was very honest and authentic and upfront about how she felt. When she said how she felt, the other person withdrew and she could feel that they backed up. That was disturbing for her because she felt like, “I told the truth and now maybe he’s going to go away or maybe I’ve lost him or whatever.” That was a perfect thing to have us move into this because that happens a lot in relationships. If we have the courage to speak it, the fear factor of what will happen if we do comes very strong, which usually makes it so we don’t tell the truth.

What I’m hearing right off the bat is the decision to say or not to say is based on your fear level of what will happen if I’m honest and getting past that and being aware of that.

That is a very important piece. The first thing that’s important for you to know in communication is you have to know yourself. You have to know what your true core feelings are. It’s not what you think. It’s what it is that you feel. Once you are clear about how you feel, then the next step is to be able to communicate impeccably, compassionately, openly and honestly to the person whatever it is that’s going on with you. The third step is that when you spell it out or when you tell the truth, that person is going to hear you from wherever it is that they are. That’s important for you to remember because you may be saying something that’s very clear to you and the other person is hearing it through the hearing aid that they’re wearing or they see it through the lenses that they’re wearing. The fourth step is for you to be detached from what it is that somebody does with whatever it is that you say. These are key factors.

I want to go back to number one, but I think we should start with detachment because if you’re detached, it makes the rest of this whole conversation a whole lot easier.

If we do not have safety in our relationship enough to be able to say what's going on in our mind, we can be as detached as we want. Click To Tweet

That may or may not be true because in detachment, if we aren’t careful, it has flippant energy to it. It’s like, “I’m going to say whatever I want and it doesn’t matter because I’m not attached to that.” That’s not where the growth factor for being an excellent communicator comes from. It’s also a missing link. Communication is the missing link for profound connected relationships. If we do not have safety in our relationship enough to be able to say what’s going on in our mind, you can be as detached as you want. Simultaneously, you may find that you’re saying all these things you want, but the other person or you are so detached that you don’t have any close trust, intimacy or safety.

Let’s go back to the first point that you made, which is one has to be aware of themselves. One has to know themselves. I totally get that. It’s the basis of all of your teachings. Every one of them. In the heat of a conversation where a trigger comes up and there’s high intensity, how do you get to that place of before something blurts out of your mouth recognizing exactly where it’s coming from within you?

It doesn’t usually come instantaneously. In my personal experience and in the experience of so many people that I have worked with, what it takes is a continuous commitment to know and observe and be with yourself in a way that you become so astutely aware of the way that you function that is constantly in your face. You’re constantly aware of that. In other words, you first become a very profound observer. Observe what you say all the time, observe the patterns of what it is you say and how you say it. If you’re sarcastic in your communication, denigrating in your communication, uplifting in your communication, if you sugarcoat it because you don’t want to tell the truth in your communication. There are so many different ways to communicate. If you don’t know where you’re coming from, your communication will many times be misinterpreted and more importantly, it won’t be the truth.

What I hear with what you said is that even before we get into a relationship, all of those things need to be handled. You have to become aware of all of the things that you said even before you get into that relationship so that you at least have an awareness of what you’re doing when you do get in the relationship and then start communicating.

That might be ideal, but I’m willing to bet that we’ve got at least 50% of the people reading this are already in a relationship and they’re going, “I’m already in a relationship with somebody. What does that mean?” It means that in this very moment is the time to start doing some more self-introspection to know yourself well enough to know. The first step is to become an observer of what it is that you say, what it is you think, what it is that you do, how you react, how you respond to everything that’s going on in your life and ideally, the life of the world around you. That sounds like a tough order because it is and this is why we moved from being unconscious to conscious. The more conscious you are, the more aware you are, the more fulfilling and the more blessed you will feel in your life. The more that you will feel the flow going through you instead of running up against the wall every ten minutes or ten days.

RDD 21 | Communication

Communication: Communication is not just what you’re saying, it’s how you’re saying it and how the other person is receiving it.

 

Would you say it’s advisable for someone who is doing this self-observation work that is already in a relationship? Would you say it’s advisable to discuss that aspect with their partner? In other words, ask certain questions or explore certain traits that you may have a concern about to see how the other person is responding or dealing with those issues.

I would not say, “Do you find me denigrating?” because that’s leading the witness. What would be powerful is to say, “When I say such and such, how do you feel inside?” Ask them to tell you rather than to feed information to them about how you think they feel. How we think other people feel, unless you’re very intuitive and you’re very connected, you will be guessing and your guess is going to come from a place where you live.

That’s an awesome way to approach it by eliciting their feelings rather than a mental conclusion.

It is very helpful. It also gives respect to the other person. I don’t know anybody that likes to be told how they feel. I don’t feel that it is supportive, it’s opening or it is inviting to tell somebody that this is how they are. We like to think that we know ourselves better than anybody else and sometimes that’s true. Sometimes we have blind spots where we don’t know what we don’t know. If and when you find somebody that you trust that can help you see those little hidden places, then you have found a real gem. It’s helpful and important to allow them to open you up to things that perhaps you weren’t looking at and help you with ways to be able to shift that if you choose.

The number one was to know yourself. Observe and be present with everything that you’re saying, feeling, thinking and doing. If you want to get even more masterful, start paying attention to how other people are reacting to what it is that you’re saying, doing, feeling and etc. In other words, you speak and then notice the person’s expression. Notice their body language. Do their shoulders drop? Do they puff up like they’re defensive? Do they grimace their mouth? Do they raise their eyebrows? Do they squint? Do they purse their lips? What is happening with their arms? Are they crossing them? If they’re sitting, do they cross their legs? Are they shutting down and shutting you out? Those are going to give you some quick clues as to how they perceive what it is that you have said. Once you have the awareness for yourself and you start to have an increased awareness of what’s going on with the people in the conversation and even people around you, you’re going to be much more educated. You’re going to learn a lot more about how to be a more effective communicator. Effective communication is the number one skill in every single area of your life, especially in relationships.

The more conscious you are, the more aware you are, the more fulfilling and the more blessed you will feel in your life. Click To Tweet

Just to confirm what you said, in the left brain field of what’s called emotional intelligence, there are many new books out about emotional intelligence. One of the big pieces is being aware of how your audience is reacting. You’re using that almost like an open feedback loop so that you know that if you raise your voice, for example, if you can recognize the signs from your audience or the people you’re speaking with, then you’re going to be able to adjust immediately. This whole emotional intelligence piece is getting into understanding how other people are reacting to you and proceeding accordingly.

The more awareness you have of yourself and others helps you be a better communicator, helps you be a better friend, helps you be a better partner, help you be a better boss, helps you be a better employee and helps you be a better parent. Every single thing in your life is affected by being a superb communicator. A superb communicator listens and they have awareness about what’s going on and how their words are affecting people. One of the things that’s very key when you’re communicating is to be present to the words that you’re using. When you are consciously or subconsciously talking to people in a way that makes them feel less than, that is not going to open them up feeling safe with you. If you’re saying to somebody, “You’re always complaining. You’re always doing this.” What you’re not realizing is you are seeing them through your own eyes. What you aren’t aware of at that moment is that how you see someone else is through the filters of yourself. It’s not the other person. The other person has come to you as a runner. It’s somebody who’s going to help you learn more about yourself. That’s not easy to see if we have closed eyes towards ourselves. It takes a lot of courage and a lot of commitment to be able to see what it is that we have going on so we will better understand why we are framing it the way that we’re framing it.

Maybe your way of condensing this whole point is the awareness that your communication is not about what you feel, it’s how the other person is feeling in respect to what you’re saying. It’s not always about you, it’s about you and the person you’re conversing with.

It’s also not that you don’t tell the truth. It has a lot to do with how you tell the truth and how you say what it is that’s on your mind and that is key. One of the things you want to pay attention to is your own body language. Do you roll your eyes? Do you grimace? Do you have a piercing intensity in your eyes when you’re telling someone whatever it is that you’re telling them because ultimately, you’re angry and that anger is coming through your eyes and your body language? Are you being soft and quiet and allowing that person to think, feel, say and do what they need or want to do without you making them wrong and telling them that what they feel is not okay or is not correct?

Having your own personal awareness of how you’re with another person is very powerful and very important. If you know you’re dealing with somebody who’s sensitive, for example, then you may want to use different terminologies with that person than you might with somebody who’s completely different. Many times, it’s like locker room talk. They’re from one perspective being mean to each other. They’re sarcastic, they’re being judgmental and they’re making fun of each other and all these things. I know that many people think that these things are funny and cute and whatever, but let me tell you, we as a collective are much more sensitive than most people realize. Even men, they have a sensitivity that they may laugh it up, but underneath there’s a little niche that gets shattered on their little internal sand castle and it is not an easy thing for many people to deal with. Others are so bottled up or walled up that they don’t let those things stress them, but it doesn’t mean that it goes away.

RDD 21 | Communication

Communication: The more awareness you have of yourself and others, the more it helps you be a better communicator, friend, partner, boss, employee, and parent.

 

Each one of those denigrations, each one of those particular hertz, while small start to build up and start to eat away the foundation of the tree and I can see that can be a major issue.

When you’re in a relationship with someone and if you desire to increase your communication, these first things that we’ve been speaking about are very important. One of the important keys is to know how to communicate with an openhearted sense and a way of utilizing words that are not so abrupt or intense. Instead of saying, “You did this and this,” that’s not acceptable. You might want to say something like, “I noticed that when this task got completed, there was this piece that wasn’t all the way did or that wasn’t the color that we agreed upon,” or something along those lines. It then gives the person an opportunity to speak about what was going on with them with what it was that they did instead of beating somebody down because you don’t know what you don’t know.

A person may say, “I know that wasn’t exactly the way you wanted it to be,” and perhaps there wasn’t enough paint to finish the project. Perhaps the tools that were necessary were not available. We do not know something unless somebody communicates that to us. Instead of assuming, instead of attacking, instead of putting yourself in a place where you’re going to look a little silly anyway, why not open up the communication in a way that allows you to hear what the other person has to say and zip it while they speak. Let’s say you’re with a partner and a partner is doing their best to let you know why they were late, for example. If you cloud up and rain all over them before they had a chance to tell you that they were pulled over by a cop or there was a serious accident. There was a dead body in the road and you were there and your phone was dead or whatever the case may be. When we jumped to conclusions in any of these circumstances, we immediately are going to make the other person be unavailable to hear. When that occurs, you’re not going to get the results that you’re looking for so it’s very important.

This leans right into the third piece, which is knowing how to communicate not just with words, but with the body language. If you’re going for compassionate communication, what you want to do is you want to relax your shoulders, relax your chest and be in the sense of peace. Breathe through your nose and out through your mouth. Always do that. Make that a habit every day to breathe because it will keep you in a more centered place. When you’re communicating, whatever it is, it may not be some big scary thing, but the communication is going to come across with a lot different feeling than when you come very assertively or very aggressively on to someone, which will immediately put up their defense mechanism.

Do you want to address using the “I” instead of “you?”

Observe and be present with everything that you're saying, feeling, thinking, and doing. Click To Tweet

These little skill points are very important. Let’s say that you’ve got something going on that you’re triggered about, but you’re doing your best to be with the quiet, compassionate, open heart and you haven’t totally gotten there. One of the things that’s important to do is be very conscious of the words that you use. What that looks like is that one of the important rules is never hit below the belt. It means that you don’t bring up the past and you don’t take what happened a few years ago or a few months ago and bring it into this moment and rub somebody’s nose in it. It’s very important to be conscious and aware of that.

The second thing is that when you are willing to eliminate the word you in any of your conversations, what that’s going to do is bring it back to the I, which is yourself and not the other person. If you are using the words when such and such happen, “I feel or I felt,” whatever it is that you felt. When you are using words like, “You made me feel this way. You are the one who did that,” and you keep doing that over and over again, what you’re doing is you are energetically and verbally attacking the other person and they are going to put up their defense mechanisms immediately. They are not going to be open to hearing what it is you have to say and they’re going not to like you. They are going to feel like you are the enemy and you won’t go anywhere with that person.

If you say something like, “When such and such happen, I felt sad. I felt upset. I felt out of control. I felt insecure.” Whatever it is, that will take a huge amount of not only self-compassion but self-empowerment to be able to call a spade a spade. You felt that way, who cares? We’re so busy protecting our ego that we don’t know how to be in relationship with ourselves or anyone else for that matter. When you start to get that your ego and your personality is a program of recycled ignorance, then you don’t have to protect it anymore. It will make a difference in your life.

The I and you thing is huge because when someone says to me, “You did this,” I immediately feel wrong. I feel denigrated. I feel I didn’t do it right again. All of those self-sabotaging programs that seem to be in the backpack seemed to come out. I  wanted to comment on one thing you said that I had never considered and made a big difference for me. When you’re having a conversation, especially an argument or a disagreement about anything, keep it in the present because dredging up the past is not going to get you any place productive. All it’s going to do is drag up if it already hasn’t been dragged up the old programs that you have from the past. It’s double incendiary and it will instantly ignite all this stuff from the past that is irrelevant. Oftentimes, we have a conversation and Esateys will say to me, “What’s the point of that? Let’s talk about what we do from here. Let’s talk about the present. What are we going to do now rather than justify?” Hearing it that way makes so much sense to me and it takes away the blame. It says, “Here’s the issue in front of us. What do we do now?”

Being present with what’s going on right in this very moment can then be taken to an even higher level of awesomeness if you do one more thing. That thing is to take the story out of it. Take all the adjectives out of it. When you take the story out of what it is that’s going on in your head that you’re recycling and you want to project and blame someone else with, what occurs is there’s nothing there but a bunch of energetic sensations in your body. What occurs for most people is they conjure up all this stuff in their head and they make it personal. They make it about themselves instead of realizing that that person is coming from the best place they know how. Maybe they’re not doing it your way. Maybe they do not agree with you. Have you ever noticed when somebody doesn’t agree with you how somehow you make them wrong for that? In fact, you will find ways to be denigrating towards them because they’re not the way you want them to be. Stay awake. Be conscious of that because what happens is we build up walls between ourselves and those people, especially even the people that we love without even realizing it.

RDD 21 | Communication

Communication: When you’re having a conversation, keep it in the present. Dredging up the past is not going to get you any place productive.

 

We are going through this whole big thing about our rage coming out passive aggressively by saying things that either don’t matter or aren’t true. How many times have you used the words, “You always do this or this is something that happens every single time?” Whenever you’re using these words, you’re already in trouble. You already know you’re in your ego because it’s very rare that anything is always that way. If you say to someone, “You’re always mean to me.” Get real. Are they always mean to you? Ask yourself, “Is this true?” Ask yourself if what you’re thinking and what you’re saying is true and if it isn’t, get off it because all you’re doing is fighting to be right, which will be an entry point and sometimes a completion to a relationship. You get to be right, but are you happy? You get to think that you’re right, but are you happy? The truth is you’re not right anyway. It’s rare that anybody does something always forever and never changes. Those are silly little things that we make up to try to be dramatic to get the other person to listen to us or to feel bad so we can control them better. We’re very talented.

Putting that succinctly if one thinks or keeps in mind, “Would I rather be right or would I rather be happy?” That instantly shifts the focus to what you want. The ego is not so happy but it will make you happy.

It will make your ego happy. Is it going to make who you are happy or is it going to make your ego happy? Any time you’re making your ego happy and you’re feeding the ego, then it gets a stronger grip on everything that you do in your life. It’s amazing. You probably have heard of the story about the great wise man who had one of his students, the little Indian boy came to him and said, “Great master, I have these two wolves and they’re inside of me. One of them is telling me all of these great wonderful loving things and how I can live my life and the other one is saying they’re not okay. You shouldn’t do this. You messed up with that. All of these things. I don’t know who to listen to. How do I know who’s right?” The wise man looks at the young boy and with his big eyes, looks him straight into the core of his being and says, “The one that you feed the most is the one that will live and take over your life.” That’s what you want to think about. Are you feeding your ego or are you feeding that part of you that is clear, that is loving, that is compassionate that wants true happiness, not that superficial sense of being right?

One of the golden rules is to talk to your partner and be with your partner as you would want your partner to be with you. Speak with compassion, reverence and respect. That’s what you would like so why not provide that and create that and posture that platform of happiness and love?

Do to others as you would have them do unto yourself.

Any time you're making your ego happy and you're feeding it, it gets a stronger grip on everything that you do in your life. Click To Tweet

Be compassionate in your communication with your partner as you want unto yourself.

I want to touch very briefly on the fourth key that I spoke about. Be in a state of detachment. When you’re in a state of real empowerment and caring about yourself, then you have the natural ability to be detached. What that means is that you can allow other people to feel, think, do, say whatever they would like, but you’re living in the eye of your own hurricane. You are living in peace. When you share your truth, the other person may or may not be okay with what it is that they hear. You can be guaranteed that if they do not like it, it’s because it is bringing up something that’s deep and core inside of themselves. They either have fear about it or there’s some form of threat or difficulty with dealing with that actual thought process. This brings us back to conclude with the story that I spoke about which was the person that I was coaching that had the partner that said something to him. What his response was to withdraw and go away. I know that this happens so many times and this is one very insidious thing that occurs in a relationship, which is, “I tell the truth and they go away. I don’t want him to go away because I don’t want to activate my abandonment issue. I don’t want to think that I’m not loved and lovable so I will adapt, adjust and maleate myself to be how I think that person would like me to be.”

Over time, you’re going to be very angry at yourself. You are betraying yourself. You are going to be resentful with yourself. You are going to be judgmental. You’re going to have a lowered self-esteem because you know that you were infinite. You didn’t stand up for what it is that you know is true all based on the fear of somebody perhaps rejecting you, do not love you or whatever it is. Most people live their lives under this premise all of the time. Please wake up to this. It’s exactly what I told the person that I was coaching. You stay awake to what’s true for you. You find an open, honest, clean and compassionate way to tell your truth and ask open-ended questions to the partner, “How does that feel for you? What comes up for you when I share that with you?” Instead of feeling them move away and then shutting the door and not being more inquisitive about what’s going on.

If you keep the conversation open and going and fertile and alive, you can almost always work through something. If they shut the door or seem like they back away, we’re too afraid to say, “What’s going on? What else is happening inside of you? Help me know so I know how we can best work through this.” When you take that assertive viewpoint in that way of being, what occurs is that the communication is open. It’s alive, it’s honest and it will move forward to another whole place. Ultimately, the detachment comes from recognizing that you must choose you first. You must choose yourself and your own authenticity, your own truth, your own way of being, your own way of communicating and your own way of desire in your life to be. If you want your life to be a certain way and you know the kind of parameters that you have outlined for yourself you don’t want to change. If you do, that’s super. If you don’t, then let the person know that straight off the bat so they can make a decision. If they have any malleability within themselves and if they’re not interested in flexing, but somebody else is, then great.

If you’re both having a line in the sand, then know that’s okay. You can still be friends. You can still be whatever it is you want to be. That doesn’t have to be the person you spend the rest of your life with. It all comes back to awareness and the way that you are speaking and knowing what it is you’re feeling and the way you speak it and then being detached. If they say, “It doesn’t work for me,” you can go, “I get it.” It doesn’t mean that you aren’t going to hurt. It doesn’t mean you won’t be sad. It doesn’t mean you won’t throw a tantrum or whatever it is you need to do. Don’t throw a tantrum at them because they’re just truthful themselves. You will feel whatever you feel and if you feel that all the way through, it will move very quickly.

RDD 21 | Communication

Communication: Stay awake to what’s true for you. Find an open, honest, and compassionate way to tell your truth and ask open-ended questions to your partner.

 

There are so many aspects to this conversation we’re about to have. I want you to repeat that this is a subject that as you deeper into your own awareness and your own observation of yourself. I suggest reading this blog again.

What I wanted to remind you is that if you have someone or something in your life that you are not feeling safe in communicating about something or with someone, then remember that this is what I do. I will help you be clear and help you find the script and the way to work through what it is that’s going on with you. I am always here in service to you. I do coaching and I would read this over and over again. If you know that there’s more for you to do when you want to clean something up, send me an email at Esateys@Esateys.com because I’m here for you.

Next time, we’re going to do the flip side of this conversation which is, “Do you listen to your partner when you’re having a conversation?” We’ve been talking about speaking. On our next episode, we’re going to be speaking about listening, which is as important as speaking in your communication skills that will create awesome relationships. What I love about this show and why I get so excited about it is because every time I do one, especially when asking Esateys questions and things like that, I get a whole new level of understanding myself. It’s adding to the tools in my toolbox and I love it. Thank you for reading this. We have a question, “I’ve heard you say many times that it’s never your partner’s fault. You always have to look at yourself first. I hate that and it infuriates me when he does or says something that is hurtful. How am I responsible when he does something unkind? I don’t get it.”

Let’s be clear here about this. There are lots of different levels or layers to this question and one is that we create everything whether we know it or not and all that other kind of stuff. Instead of looking at you’re responsible for having the person speak the way they do to you, one of the things that you can do is know that what you are 1,000% responsible for is how you view or perceive what it is that someone else is saying to you. The bottom line is you never ever are a victim. It may infuriate you. I get it. I’ve been there and done that. I also understand that if somebody says something to me that is not very comfortable for me to hear, I have a couple of ways to deal with this. It’s related to the non-resistive living piece that we talk about and that I also teach. One is to take a non-resistive living approach and that is, “Thanks for letting me know how you feel.” I get it. Allow it. It’s like one of those martial arts where somebody is coming at you and you step aside. The bullet or the person goes right by you. You don’t resist it. You don’t have to fight it. Allow people to do whatever they want to do.

Let them say what they want to say. I know your ego or somebody’s ego is going to say, “There is no way. I want to be respected.” You can do that, but is that making you happy? Is it bringing you joy to step up and fight for something? When you give the reins, when you give someone the freedom to think whatever they want and you are not reactive to it, you’re the one at peace. They’re the one who’s all ruffled up. When you are clear inside yourself and you know that what they’re saying has nothing to do with you but it’s them projecting their own discomfort on you, then whatever they say has nothing to do with anything. You don’t need to go there. You don’t need to be defensive. You don’t need to fight them off. You don’t need to do anything with that.

Talk to your partner and be with your partner as you would want your partner to be with you. Click To Tweet

There are other options and another way of looking at it. Many gurus or teachers will say that there’s always a particle of truth in everything. One of the things that you can do is to think about what they said. Instead of having a knee jerk attack reaction, you can think about, even if you’re not going to let them know that, you can take a deep breath. You could say to them, “I’m going to contemplate that,” or you don’t have to say anything to them because that would take a lot of courage to be able to say that because it would look like you’re giving into them and your ego may not let you do that at the moment.

You could keep your mouth closed ideally because if you attack back, you’re in another whole arena. Allow them to do that and you go inside and you contemplate that. “I wonder if there’s any truth to that. Have I ever done that? Might I sometime do that? Have I ever thought of it? Maybe I never did it.” Another way of viewing this is that this person is coming from the best place they know how. Everybody wears glasses with different colored lenses in them. If you have had a childhood abuse issue and somebody comes up and seems like they’re saying something or even has the energy of bullying or even emotionally, mentally or verbally being abusive, the likelihood is you’re going to be fired up easily. If you haven’t been abused, you may want to have an open mind and say, “This person is hurting. This person is in so much pain. All they’re trying to do is get rid of their pain. I can make it personal or I don’t have to make it personal. I’m always at choice about how I choose to frame any given moment.

Put your weapons down and stop feeling like you have to be right or you have to prove it or you have to build yourself up in defense. What if you allowed people to do whatever they want to do? Because in the true sense of empowerment, when you can allow people to throw their tantrums and you’d sit there with the most open heart that you can, guess who’s in their power? Guess who’s in their peace. Guess who feels better than the one who’s over there doing what it is that they’re doing because they don’t know how to do anything differently? Be the power and the force in your own life. Stay awake and aware and look at things from a much bigger and a much more macro view. When you’re looking at things from the bigger viewpoint and when you stop personalizing every little thing that comes down the pike, you’re going to be a happy person. Whether you know it or not, happiness, joy, pleasure and all of those things are things that we, as human beings, want. These are some very powerful important tools that will help you get there.

I have a question for you, “What would it take for me to come from my heart in all of my communication?” If you made that your number one key every time you’re going to have a conversation, I promise you that your life will change immensely. If that seems too long, you can switch it around and say, “What would it take for me to communicate from my heart right now?” If you said that before you opened your mouth, your conversation would be different. That’s what I support you in doing more often than you ever have before and report back to me and let me know what happens with that. Let me know what your results are. One thing is for sure, you will feel better if you embrace that.

Remember that with these questions, there is no answer. You’re putting it out there and opening yourself up to a response to an answer, to a knowing. When it comes, it will come. Maybe not right away, maybe later, maybe whenever but putting the question out there and allowing it to come will be very powerful.

RDD 21 | Communication

Communication: Put your weapons down. Stop feeling like you have to be right or you have to prove it or you have to build yourself up in defense.

 

Thank you for that because that is important. These questions that we do at the end of the shows are rhetorical. They are not like you’re supposed to sit down and write out some list of answers that you’re supposed to get from somewhere. It’s to let the universe know that this is what your intention is and a way that you choose to live and that all by itself will shift things.

When you put out the question, that energy goes out into the universe and it will pull back. It’ll attract a similar frequency and bring that back to you. That is all you need to do. They’re very powerful.

I would invite you all every time you read this blog to write them down and start a journal with these questions and read them every day. It’s amazing what happens when you start filling your head with this kind of thought process instead of the recycled ignorance or the recycled programming that you have going for you.

We will see you next time. I would like to say please send us your questions. We like them and we like hearing from you. It helps change the energy of the show and give another point of view if you have one. We welcome those. The other thing is to please tell your friends and put it on Facebook or whatever. We do this so that we can help and assist and open up people’s lives to happiness and joy and open them up to an awareness of their true selves. We encourage you to do that. We will see you next time and we’ll be talking about how to listen to your partner.

This whole listening thing is important to children. It’s important to your partner, but it’s very important for your children. It’s very important for your boss or your employees. This listening thing is huge. Don’t think that because you maybe are not in a relationship or maybe you don’t have children or whatever you’re maybe is, you absolutely show up. When you learn how to communicate and you learn how to listen, every part of your life is going to move to a whole new level of awesomeness.

I will see you next time. Take care.

Feel a hug.

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Author: Esateys Stuchiner

Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.

Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.

Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.

For more information, go to esateys.com.

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