Curious About Polyamorous Relationships?
Once unheard of, polyamorous relationships have been gaining a lot of popularity in recent years. These consensually non-monogamous relationships don’t conform to the norm and are challenging views on commitment, love, and jealousy. Some relationship experts even say that they are stronger than monogamous relationships.
According to researchers on polyamorous relationships, 4%-5% of Americans are searching for partners outside their relationships with their partner’s consent. In addition, researchers believe that approximately 5% of Americans are in non-monogamous relationships at any given time.
Some people find deeper intimacy in polyamorous relationships than in monogamous relationships. As they discover joys, challenges, and deep emotions, they become more sensitive, honest, caring, and intimate.
If you’re thinking that polyamorous relationships are for people who can’t commit, you’re wrong. Those who can’t commit to one person can’t make a commitment to two people or more. In fact, most monogamous people practice serial monogamy. They see their partners as expendable and move from partner to partner. While every relationship has a beginning and an ending, polyamorists do not leave their partners when other interesting people come along.
Polyamorous is derived from the Greek and Latin words poly and amor which mean many and love. A polyamorous person has more than one romantic relationship at a time, with the consent and knowledge of all their partners. The people in a polyamorous relationship agree that it’s ok for everyone to have other romantic partners.
There is no primary couple in a polyamorous relationship and no partner is greater than another. The partners love each other equally and are fully committed to each other. One way to define a polyamorous relationship is to say it is a responsible, ethical, and consensual non-monogamous relationship. Polyamorous dating means having many committed relationships with people you are in love with.
Polyamory vs. Swinging
Polyamory is not to be confused with swinging. Swinging has a completely different meaning as it focuses on recreational sex – although deeper bonds and friendships might develop. Polyamorous relationships focus on deep connections, although the sex is mostly fun.
Is Polyamory Cheating?
Polyamory is different from cheating. If you are married and have a girlfriend on the side, you are cheating. If you are in a committed relationship but sleep with other men without your partner’s knowledge, you are also cheating. But if everyone involved knows about it and is ok with it, you are in a polyamorous relationship. If you can’t invite your other partner over to your home because you don’t want anyone to know what’s going on, you aren’t in a polyamorous relationship.
Cheating means violating an agreement and involves deception. Polyamory is all about openness, acting with integrity, caring, and sharing love. Most polyamorous people in relationships agree to maintain certain boundaries, decide on things they will and won’t do, and communicate openly about who they are involved with.
How a Polyamorous Relationship Differs from an Open Relationship
A polyamorous relationship and an open relationship are not one and the same. Polyamorous is the opposite of monogamous and refers to how many romantic partners one has, is comfortable having, or wants to have. It can also mean how many partners you’d like your partner to have. Polyamorous can describe both a person and a relationship – a polyamorous person can be in a monogamous relationship. People in polyamorous relationships are happy for their partners and share some or all facets of their other relationships.
An open relationship is the opposite of a closed relationship. It is a non-monogamous relationship that is not polyamorous. People in open relationships can date or sleep with other people without incorporating them into their lives like their primary partners. Relationships can be open to various degrees; they can be open to new sexual partners while closed to friendship.
The Dos and Don’ts of Polyamorous Relationships
If you never communicate, how do you expect your partners to know what you want? If you feel like your needs are not being met, simply say so. Don’t assume your partners will know your needs. Communication is the basic foundation of all relationships. Without it, you can’t advance. Let your partners know what you need. It will be easier for them to fulfill your desires.
Do Respect Others
You must always be compassionate towards everyone in the relationship – including your partner’s partners. Even if you don’t like them or understand what your partner sees in them, respect them. Remember that your partner has the right to choose whoever they want. His partners have the right to be there just as your partners.
Do Think of Everyone in the Relationship
It is human nature to always think about ourselves. But in a polyamorous relationship, you must consider the people involved. Your partners have other relationships with their own needs. They are not trying to get rid of you or replace you. Don’t assume you have a right to be comfortable all the time. There are times you will feel scared, awkward and uncomfortable and this is normal.
Don’t Try to Force Things
Don’t try to control your partner’s other relationships because you want yours to be the primary relationship. Remember that there are no secondary partners in polyamorous relationships. Don’t try to dictate how your relationship should be and how to fit other people in. Polyamorous relationships work best when allowed to be what they are.
Don’t Become Polyamorous to Solve Problems
If you decide to become polyamorous simply because your relationship is headed for the rocks, disaster awaits. Polyamory can go a long way toward improving a good relationship, but it is never a solution to a damaged relationship. If there are existing problems in your relationship, solve them first before you decide whether you want to become polyamorous. Bringing people into a problematic relationship is a sure way to magnify those problems. It’s also unfair to the people coming in.
While polyamorous relationships are not common and not for everyone, they can just as fulfilling as conventional relationships. Once you establish boundaries and agree on what suits everyone, you’ll have thriving relationships that are the envy of many.
Always check within yourself to see if this type of relationship is best for you. ALWAYS tell the truth to yourself and your partner about what you are feeling. The joy comes from being true to yourself first.
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.