Finding Hope by Gaining Self Confidence

Self Confidence.7

In search of my self confidence

I once read a story about a businessman who was deep in debt and could see no way out. He had lost all his self confidence and had no hope for the future. One day, he decided to go to the park to think of how he could get out of the tough situation. By the time he went home, he had a plan!

He called his creditors and suppliers and told them to give him one month to sort out the problem. During that month, he pretended he had been given a check for $1,000,000 by a rich benefactor. Instead of cashing it, he put it in a safe and used it as a driving force to become successful again. He became very successful.

People build self confidence in different ways. Some become confident after overcoming hard experiences while others visualize what they want until they gain confidence. Self-confidence is vital in every area of our lives and is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves. Unfortunately, many people struggle to find it.

Self Confidence Definition

People define self-confidence in different ways. Some say it means not doubting oneself while others say it is showing poise in one’s own worth without being cocky or arrogant. But is that all there is to self confidence? No. Self confidence is a mixture of self-esteem and self-efficacy.

Self-esteem is your overall subjective evaluation of your own worth. It is believing you are skilled in what you do and that you deserve to be happy in life.

Self-efficacy is the belief that you have the ability to accomplish different tasks and goals in life.

So, how can we define a self-confident person? In a nutshell, a self-confident person is one who likes himself and thinks positively about others and the future. He is willing to take risks to achieve both personal and professional goals. A person who lacks self confidence has a negative perspective about himself. He is not certain that he can achieve his goals. The good news is that you can build self-confidence on your own.  Yes you can become the person you would LOVE to be!

How to Gain Self Confidence

  • Focus on What You Have Achieved
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It is very easy to focus on your failures and forget about your successes. But if you focus on your failures, you will feel like you’ve never achieved anything and won’t have faith in yourself. Focus on the things you’ve achieved, both big and small, and develop faith in your talents and abilities.

Write down all the accomplishments you are proud of – whether it’s passing a tough exam or learning mountain climbing. Keep the list somewhere safe and add other accomplishments as time goes by. Whenever you don’t feel confident, pull the list out and remind yourself of how far you’ve come.


Even so called failures can be seen as successes if you glean something helpful or positive from it.  Notice how you view things that you have judged as ‘not successful’ in the past and restructure your thought processes to notice what you learned and how it can help you in your next adventure.

  • Set Goals

One great way of building self confidence is setting goals. Everyone sets goals, but many do not achieve them. Set goals and work hard to achieve them. When you prove to yourself that you can accomplish goals, you’ll know you are capable of achieving so much more. Your goals don’t have to be big.

In fact, I recommend you start with small goals and once accomplished continue with small ones and add bigger ones.  You always want the experience of succeeding.

I have been training dogs for many years and have found the most successful performance dogs are the ones that are always given something they can accomplish easily.  When they have that reward and confidence they can take on larger tasks and they work with more passion to succeed. The ‘failures’ are virtually ignored and focus is only on what is working or being done correctly.

This has been found to be true with the 1000’s of people I have coached (including myself).

Your goals can be small, like learning to ride a bicycle or making amends with a friend. Facing any fear is a huge accomplishment!

Write your goals on a list and cross off each one you accomplish. You will gain self confidence and accomplish more difficult tasks.

How often do you just sit and contemplate how many things you accomplish in one day?  Starting from getting out of bed and brushing your teeth.  Start looking at how many things you take for granted and consider nothing.

As you work on your goals, be patient with yourself. Remember that self-confidence cannot be built in one day. If you don’t accomplish some goals, try again. Learn lessons from your failures and try different approaches. For example, if you send job applications and you are not called for interviews, update your resume and send more applications. See what you can do differently to get a great outcome.

  • Alter Your Body Language and Image

People with low self confidence are easily noticeable. They have poor posture, don’t smile a lot, and rarely make eye contact. You can increase your confidence just by adding a spring to your step. Always walk with you shoulders back and your chin up. People who walk energetically and are always smiling look confident.

When talking to people, look at them, not at your shoes. Maintaining eye contact is a sign of self confidence. Also make sure you smile a lot as it makes others feel comfortable around you. Style your hair, get a shave, and dress nicely. You will not only feel good about yourself, you’ll also be seen as confident.

Body posture actually changes your hormones and you will secrete juices that help you feel better and change the way you view everything and everyone.  

This is a simple and very powerful tool!

Self Confidence booster in a successful business deal

Self Confidence booster in a successful business deal

  • Surround Yourself with Highly Confident People

Positive people surround themselves with positive people. It goes without saying that if you want to become more self confident, you must surround yourself with highly confident people. Confident people make you feel good about yourself. They build your self-esteem because they have a high sense of self-esteem. They don’t feel threatened by your success because they know there is enough of it to go around.

The people you surround yourself with determine what you become. You can’t hang out with negative people and expect to be positive. They will make you become negative as they continuously make negative remarks or criticize you. Even family members with good intentions can destroy your self confidence. When building self confidence, limit your contact with people who lack self-confidence. Seek out people who make you feel great and spend more time with them.

Never Stop Believing In Yourself

If you don’t believe in yourself, who will? Never give up and never succumb to failure. Everything in life has a solution, so giving up should never be an option. Decide to succeed even when you are faced with numerous hardships.

Low self-confidence is often a result of negative thoughts that run through our minds endlessly. If you constantly think that you aren’t smart enough, skilled enough, or attractive enough, you create a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your brain will work hard to make your thoughts come true. The brain always focuses on creating the outcomes that govern your thoughts – irrespective of whether they are bad or good. You must therefore focus on what you want and not what you do not want. Every time a negative thought comes into your mind, replace it with a positive one. Make this a habit until you become the self confident person you want to be.

Now, right now, stop and make the list of things that you have accomplished in your Life.  Go back to childhood and create a Life Chart of all the things that you have done and accomplished (even the smallest) and watch what a difference it makes.  YOU are AMAZING…SEE IT!

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Author: Esateys Stuchiner

Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.

Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.

Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.

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