Forgiveness Is About Letting Go Of The Past
Hi everyone. I am excited to speak to you today about something that is a very big subject for many people. Forgiveness. When we speak about it many people just tighten right up. Have you ever had someone do something to you where you felt you didn’t ask for it or you felt like it just happened to you expectantly. Have you ever experience of saying to yourself something like I will never forgive you for that? I cannot have this in my life. You will never be my friend again. Have you ever looked at where the line in the sand is for you personally and how strong and how deep is that line in the sand? Does it depend upon what occurs? Does it depend upon whom it is that did it? Have you noticed how much more easy or forgiving you are of someone that you really care about verses somebody that you don’t really care about. Or vice versa. Or if it’s a stranger and you don’t care because they don’t matter to you.
Forgiveness is an interesting thing. First of all let’s get clear. Take a breath. There isn’t anything that happens without us really having some conscious or subconscious awareness about that occurring. This means that when you are living in a place where you are seeing things from a macro view or elevated viewpoint. The sense of victimization goes away. 99.99% of the world does not live there. Today we are speaking about all of us who are not always there or never there. In a place where it looks like things just happen to us. Even though that may be what your belief system is, I have to start with the truth and that is that there isn’t anything that occurs to you that has anything to do with you really needing to hold on to anything. I know that conscious mind of yours is probably going to be having all kinds of chatter already. Stay with me here. There are some things that I am going to say that are supportive for you. Ultimately, we want to be loved and we want to love. We want to feel love and feel lovable. And also to express love. Regardless of how angry we get at anyone. We want to be in a place to let it go and be ok with whatever has occurred. Some people have rigid belief systems. Very strong judgements about certain things. They will hold onto those with so much fire and passion. They never think of something that has been said before, would you rather be right or happy? We can hold onto those things that we think people do to us and we can be right. They did this to me and they should have never had that kind of action towards me. Should have never said that to me and on and on we go. Or you can say, wow that is an interesting experience and if you really live the principle of what you think of me is none of my business, then you would start to realize that what somebody thinks about you or say to you is something that is their opinion. When do we want to give our energy our passion our power, away to somebody else when they are coming from their own level of thinking. Their own level of judgement. Their own beliefs, programs, and history.
The real bottom line is forgiveness is really about letting go. In relationship, we know that its difficult many times because we get very close and attached to people. If you want a relationship that really works, you are going to really want to master what this is about. It’s really not about the other person. Even though they did it to you so you think, they didn’t. Here is an example: It’s simplistic. Something you may be familiar with or not. An analogy. Visual this. You are in this beautiful room and it may have flowers and paintings and windows that look out into the most amazing views that you could ever dream or imagine. You see the ocean or mountains or trees. Around the room there is a sense of peace and luxury. It feels nice here. You look closer and you see hundreds of your very best friends. People that you have asked to come and be and have a script in the play called Your Movie. Your movie has lots and lots of characters. Characters that are going to be close to you and some kind of like extras. And there are many that are going to be very close to you in different parts of your life. Some all of the way through your life. Here you are, the master of your movie. You have got all of these scripts and you go up to each person and say, here is your script. I want to learn how to be more loving. This is what you need to do. This is the way I want you to act out in my life. Don’t waiver from the script. You go to the next person and say I would like to learn more kindness so this is what you are going to do. You go to another person and say I want to experience what it’s like to be forgiving. This may be a big one for me, no matter what, I want you to say those things to me and do the things I want you to do. I really want to learn these things and play them out. There is nothing that can alter who you are. You know that you can go down and play the role out. So you go through the whole room giving everyone a script. Everybody has their script. This is all before you are born.
Here you are and you stand up in front of the room. Any questions? Someone raises their hands and said, I don’t want to do this. You are my bud, I have to beat you up. Another person says yeah, I have to shoot you at the end. Then you say, wait a minute, this is a movie. It’s not a big deal. Go put on your face, costume, character, so let’s go play it out! There are certain things I want to experience. I need each of you to let me know if you are not going to play your part. Everybody said yes, ok. They are all in agreement. Picture this big shoot…..down the shoot you go. Boom and right behind you come all of these different players. Some will go off and some will stay. You are now prancing through your life. You realize that there is a little light that erases your memory. You forgot to mention to you guys we won’t remember this………..ok. Here we are. Right here in the human form. Movie set up and running. You have your script and I have yours. They don’t remember that it’s only a script. They think it’s real. They think OMG I have to do this. You are so deeply ingrained in that script that you are going to follow through. The following through part might not look so great depending on your personal judgement. You now have someone who is in your life. Maybe your partner or a romantic partner. Maybe it’s someone you do business with or with one of your children. Maybe it’s about the relationship with yourself. Guess what. It’s all of those things. You have relationship with everything and everyone in your life. I mean everything. I am speaking about nature, trees, the grass, air, plants and people. Relationship is a big deal. That is why we spend all of our time speaking about relationships in life.
When you start to really look at the bigger picture and you realize that your relationships are critical to your joy and to you having a life you would like, then you start to see it from a different viewpoint. this alternative way, this mindset shift if you will, to be able to see things from a macro and a alternative viewpoint, allows you to recognize that everyone is here doing exactly what they are supposed to do. You actually paid them big money to play out the part and be the script character that you asked them to be. I know that sometimes it’s difficult to believe. I would never have someone come up and say that to me. Yes, you would because you know it’s just a party game. You know it’s a script in a movie and that everyone is playing their role beautifully. I know to think this way means you must have a very macro vision. You have to have an elevated viewpoint in life. You have to go out of the drudgery and victimization and the way of thinking that makes you feel like you are a victim. Like you have no control over anything. Everything is happening to you and things are not going to work for you because nobody will do what you want them to do. We spend the majority essence of our life trying to gain control. We are control freaks. How are we ever going to be forgiving if we are trying to control everyone to be the way we want them to be. How are we going to forgive if we don’t remember that we have something that isn’t in our best interest? How are we ever going to know joy if we can’t look at forgiveness as a way of really feeling good inside ourselves. Bottom line, people are generally pretty self-centered. We are. That is the human personality. There is nothing wrong or bad or good about it. It’s just the way we roll it out. This is a movie we are playing in. You can’t change it. You are the observer of your very own movie. What is the point of trying to control? Why hold on? Why not let yourself be completely perhaps destroyed or distraught or stressed or overwhelmed? Because you cannot seemingly forgive. But if you could with a deep breath. Just let it go. Stop holding on to people and trying to make them into someone you want them to be.
What if you realize that there are people who are just playing their part? You won’t feel victimized or betrayed or the need for revenge. They in fact are being the best character in your movie that you could ever dream or imagine. Do you think shifting your perspective to this scenario could bring you more peace or joy in your life? Or is your payoff better to wait it out and be right. Or struggle and control and beat your head against the wall. Find any value in that? How is that working for you? Has it changed anything in your life? Have you gotten control of anybody really? Have you gotten to joy by doing this? Forgiveness is your only answer. It means that you recognize that there is purpose behind everything. It means you rise above the circumstances and you are not a victim. You are like a bloodhound. There is focus and intention. You can have that same thing to get yourself out of your pit. Get out of your betrayal. Get out of everything that has kept you from what it is that you really want. Forgiveness is really about looking internally and say, I am the one who really messed up. I was the one who got mad. I am the one who asked this person to help me get it. So if I am sitting here and I am just kind of being still, and breathing, I say, ok what is great about this that I haven’t seen yet. What would it take for me to allow someone experience this with me and me not react about it. What would it take for me to be in a complete state of let go. How can I see this from a perspective that shows me the true gift here? What will it take for me to open my heart and really let this go? How can I see a bigger picture than the one I am seeing now?
Even if you are not able to let go of that trigger point, asking these questions will open you up and quiet you down. It will allow you to become more peaceful. You will start to experience just the slightest change and then a bigger change. Pretty soon you will realize that nothing happened to you. Nothing bad happened to you. Your feelings got hurt and those feelings are made up of systems and programs and they are usually attached to the idea that you are not lovable. What really happens is we don’t feel loved, lovable or good about ourselves.
If you learn to let go you get more peace. You feel better, alive and passionate and excited about living your life. It means you are not all tense and tight and trying to back at somebody. Is there any value in that? What good is revenge? None of it even makes sense. All of this isn’t even logical. More importantly, it’s not real. You look from a bigger perspective and find that forgiving someone else is really about allowing life to give you the gift of whatever it is that you are desiring in that moment. It is always to allow yourself in the flow of love and life. Receive love and to give it even when someone is not giving it to you first. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does. Its about you. How completely aligned to yourself can you be? How forgiving can you be for forgetting this? For not allowing yourself to really see the truth rather than being a victim. You are an amazing being. You have a whole character list of those that are here to support you and I am one of them. It is no accident. You handed me a script. I am reading to you and being with you. You really want to know the truth of who you are. You really want to know joy. You really want to experience an overflow of love no matter what happens in your life. You really want to have the joy of your existence be beyond your wildest dreams. I know you want that for others. To do that in your relationships, with yourself, your romantic partner, your boss, children and all of the environment and everything else, you stay in the center of the hurricane because there will always be chaos. There will always be everything that doesn’t look fun. that is what is called the movie of life.
Now you get to decide for yourself whether you will see yourself as the writer and the main player or whether you are going to be someone who is victimized and plays the role of the villain. A villain to themselves and a villain to others. The answer is clear to you and it is in your heart. I know what you want. Choose wisely. You are amazing. For more information on this and other subjects please go to my blog www.ultimaterelationshipacademy.com\blog
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.