Forgiveness is a hard topic. It brings up unhappy events as well as the people involved. Sometimes, you feel so wronged that you’ve decided never to forgive. Other times, you may feel that you want to get past it and move on, but doing the act is hard. It shakes up your pride. It’s time to overcome that confusion. It’s time to become a bigger person. Move along and find the courage to forgive. Get to know yourself along the process with a movie analogy that sets the whole situation from a different perspective. You’ll find that forgiveness, though hard, is a necessary thing to do to preserve relationships and to find happiness in life.
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I’m excited to speak with you about something that is a very big subject for many people: forgiveness. When we speak about forgiveness, many people just tighten right up. Have you ever had someone do something “to you” where you felt like you didn’t ask for, where you felt like it happened to you unexpectedly? Have you ever had the experience of saying to yourself internally or maybe externally out loud, “I’ll never forgive you for that? This is just not acceptable. I cannot have this in my life. You will never be my friend again.” Have you ever looked at where the line in the sand is for you personally and how strong and how deep is that line in the sand and does it depend upon what occurs and does it depend on who it is that did it?
Our View Of Forgiveness
Have you noticed how much easier or forgiving you are to someone that you care about a lot versus somebody that you don’t care about or vice versa? Somebody that you care about so much does something and you feel betrayed and you feel like you could never forgive them. Yet, a stranger does something, and you just slough it off because they didn’t matter to you anyway. Forgiveness is an interesting thing. We want to get clear that there isn’t anything that happens without us having some conscious or subconscious awareness about that occurring. This means that when you are living in a place where you are seeing things from a more macro view or a more elevated viewpoint, the sense of victimization goes away.
99.99% of the world does not live there. We’re speaking about all of those that are not always there or are never in a place where it looks like things just happened to us. Even though that may be what your belief system is, I have to start off with the truth that there isn’t anything that occurs to you that has anything to do with you needing to hold onto anything. I know that that conscious mind of yours is probably going to be having all kinds of chatter already, so stay with me here. Stay with me because there are some things that I’m going to say which is going to be supportive of you. Ultimately, we want to be loved and we want to love. We want to feel loved, we want to feel lovable, and we want to be able to express love. Regardless of how angry we get at anyone, we want to be in a place where we can let it go and be okay with whatever it is that has occurred.
Forgiveness And Letting Go
Some people will have very rigid belief systems, very strong feelings, and very strong judgments about certain things. They will hold onto those with so much fire and so much passion. Surprisingly, they never think of something that has been said before. You may have heard of the course in miracles before. The saying is, would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? We can hold onto those things that we think people do to us. We can be right. “They did this to me. They should have never had that kind of action towards me. They should never have said that to me,” and on and on we go or you can say, “That’s an interesting experience.” If you live the principle of, “What you think of me is none of my business,” then you would start to realize that what somebody thinks about you and what they say to you is something that is their opinion. Since when do we want to give our energy, our passion, our power away to somebody else when they are coming from their own level of thinking, their own level of judgment, their own past history, their own programs and beliefs and things that they acquired from wherever it is that they acquired them from, just like you?Forgiveness is about letting go. Click To Tweet
The real bottom line here is that forgiveness is about letting go. In relationships, we know that it’s difficult many times because we get very close and we get very attached to people. If you would like a relationship that works, you are going to want to master what it is that I’m speaking about. It’s not about the other person. Some people’s minds will say, “Of course it’s about them. They did it to me.” I’m here to tell you no one did anything to you. There’s a little example that I’ve given many times over the years and it’s a simplistic way of looking at life. This might be something that you’re familiar with and you may not have ever heard such an out-there thing. It’s not an accurate thing but it’s an analogy to help you better understand how things might work here on the planet. Before you come into the body, visualize this. You’re in this beautiful room. It may have flowers and paintings or windows that look out into the most amazing views that you could ever dream or imagine. You could see the ocean. You might see mountains or trees. Around the room, there is a sense of peace and a sense of luxury.
“It feels really nice here,” and you look even closer and you see lots and lots, hundreds and thousands of your very best friends, people that you have asked to come and have a script in the play called your movie. Your movie has lots and lots of characters that are going to be very close to you, some that’ll appear to be extras, and there are many that are going to be very close to you in different parts of your life, some may be all the way through your life. Here you are, the master of your movie. You could also call this a game, but we’re going to call it a movie for now. You’ve got all these scripts and you go up to each and every person and go, “Here’s your script. What I want to do is I want to learn how to be more loving. This is what you need to do and this is the way I want you to act out in my life when we’re down there together. I would really appreciate it if you don’t waiver from the script because I’m going to get this.”
You go to the next person and you go, “I would like to learn more kindness, so this is what I’d like you to do. Bring this option to me so I get an opportunity to get that.” You go to another person you knew and you go, “I would like to experience what it’s like to be very forgiving. This one might be a big one for me so I want you to say those things to me no matter what. I want you to do the things that I’m asking you to do because otherwise, I’m not going to have an opportunity to get this.” It’s my own personal game, it’s my own movie, and I want to play it out.
When you know that there is nothing that can alter who you are as you appear on the great room, you know that you couldn’t go down and play the role out however it is that you would like to. You go through the whole room giving everybody a script. It’s quite masterful, what it is that you created for yourself. Everybody has their script and everybody’s ready. This is all before you’re born. Here you are and you stand up in front of the room and say, “Does anybody have any questions?” Someone raises his hand and says, “I don’t want to do this. You’re my bud. It’s going to be mean for me to go and beat you up.” Somebody else says, “I’ve got the exit cue and I’m going to shoot him at the end,” or whatever it is that they might say.
You stand there and you say, “I appreciate that. Remember, this is a movie. We’re all playing a part. It’s not a big deal. Just go put on your outfit, put on your costume, put on your face, put on your character, and let’s go play. You know we can’t really die anyway, so let’s just go play it out. There are certain things I want to experience. I need each and every one of you to make an agreement. If you’re not going to play your part, tell me now.” Everybody says, “We’re in.” Everybody’s in agreement, so here we go. You can just visualize this big shoot. Down the shoot, you go and right behind you come all of these different players.
Some of them will go off and won’t be with you at the beginning and others will. You’re now prancing through your life and then, “I forgot to tell you this little thing about the shoot. You go through this little veil. It’s a special little light and when you go through it, the memory’s gone. I forgot to mention to you guys, we won’t remember this.” Here we are right here, human form, the movie is set up and running. I’ve got my script and you’ve got yours. Everybody’s doing their thing and they don’t remember that they’ve got a script that they’re supposed to be playing. They think it’s real. “This is real, I got to do this.” It’s passionate and enthusiastic. It’s like can’t do it because you are so deeply ingrained in that role and in that script that you picked up that you’re going to follow through. The following through part might not look so great depending upon your own personal judgment. Here you’ve got somebody who is now in your life, maybe your romantic partner. Maybe it’s a partner that you do business with. Maybe it’s a partnership with one of your children or all of your children. Maybe it’s about the relationship with yourself. It’s all of those things.When you look at the bigger picture, you’ll realize that relationships are critical to your joy and having the life you would like to be in. Click To Tweet
You have a relationship with everything and everyone in your life. When I say everything, I do mean everything. I’m speaking about nature, the trees, the grass, the environment, the air, the plants, as well as all of the people. Relationship is a big deal. That’s why we spend all of our time speaking about relationships and the relationship in life. When you start to look at the bigger picture and you realize that your relationships are critical to your joy and that they are critical to you having a life that you would like it to be, then you need to start to see it from a different viewpoint.
This parallax view, this alternative way, this mindset shift, to be able to see things from a more macro and alternative viewpoint or a different perspective, allows you to recognize that everyone is here doing exactly what they’re supposed to do. You actually paid them big money to play out the part and be the script character that you ask them to be. I know that sometimes that’s difficult to believe. “I would never have somebody come up and do that to me or say that to me.” Yes, you would. You would because you know it’s just a part of the game. You know it’s a script for a movie. You know that everybody’s playing their role beautifully.
I know that to think this way means that you must have a very macro vision. It means that you have to have an elevated viewpoint about life. It means that you’ve got to go out of the drudgery, the victimization, and the way of thinking that makes you feel like you are a victim. That makes you feel like you have no control over anything. That makes you feel like everything is happening to you and things are not going to work for you because nobody will do what it is that you want them to do. We spend as a collective, the majority, if not the entire essence of our life trying to gain control. We are, as a collective, control freaks. How are we ever going to be forgiving if we are trying to control everybody to be the way we would like them to be instead of the way that they are? How are we ever going to forgive if we don’t remember that we have something that is in our best interest about it? How are we ever going to know joy if we can’t look at forgiveness as a way of feeling good inside of ourselves?
The bottom line here is people are generally pretty self-centered. Let’s just call a spade a spade here. We are, that is the human personality. That is the way we work and there’s nothing wrong, good, bad or anything about that. It’s just the way we roll it out here. This is a movie we’re playing out in. If we’re in the movie theater and we’re running the film, as it’s going through, then we start to realize that you cannot change the movie. You’re sitting back here now being the observer of your very own movie. On the screen, you can go up and you can beat the screen. You can scrape on it and you can do whatever you want. Do you think it’s going to change the movie? It’s not going to happen.
What’s the point in control? What’s the point of trying to control? What’s the point of holding on? What’s the point of letting yourself be completely destroyed, distraught, stressed, overwhelmed, and create separation because you won’t let it go or because you cannot seemingly forgive? What if you could? What if you could just take a breath and let it go? What if you aren’t holding on to trying to control people to be the way you would like them to be? What if you were so ensconced in the truth of who you were and you saw things from such a perspective that you realize that this person is being in service to you, playing their part really well, that you would no longer feel separation from them, anger at them, victimization from them or a need to have revenge or even the experience of feeling betrayed. In fact, they’re being the best character in your movie that you could ever dream or imagine.
It took a lot to get friends to be that way with you. You are the one who asked them to play this. Part of your mind may be saying, “This is bull, this is BS,” but I will tell you, it is an absolutely accurate statement. In addition to that, do you think shifting your perspective to this as a possibility could bring more peace to you? Do you think you’d be a little more relaxed? Do you think you’d have more joy in your life? Do you think your better payoff is to hold on to be right versus happy? Do you think there’s a better payoff to struggle, control and beat your head against the wall repeatedly? Do you find any value in that? Do you know that saying, “How’s that working for you?” Has it changed anything in your life? Have you gotten control of anybody?
Have you gotten joy by doing this? Forgiveness is your only answer. Forgiveness isn’t so much forgiveness. It doesn’t mean that it’s okay with your personality. It means that you recognize that there’s purpose behind this that perhaps at that moment you couldn’t or can’t see. It means that you rise above the circumstances and stop thinking that you are a victim of it. Rather, you start seeking like a bloodhound, finding whatever it is that they’re on track for, like a dog that has voraciously after that wild prey. There is the focus, there is the intention. You can have that same thing to get yourself out of your pit, to get out of your victimization, to get out of the betrayal, to get out of everything that has kept you from what it is that you want. Forgiveness is about looking internally and saying to yourself, “I’m the one who really messed up. I’m the one who got mad at somebody. I’m the one who was the perpetrator of this. I’m the one who asked this person to help me get it.” If I’m sitting here, I’m being still, I’m breathing and went, “What’s great about this that I haven’t seen yet?”
What would it take for me to allow you to have experienced this with me and may not be in reaction to that? What would it take for me to be in a complete state of let go? How can I see this from a perspective that shows me the true gift here? What would it take for me to open my heart and let this go? How can I see a bigger picture than the one I’m seeing right now? When you start asking yourself these kinds of questions, even if you are not able to let go of that trigger point, it will open you up. It will quiet you down, it will allow you to become more peaceful inside of your body. You will start to experience the slightest change and then a bigger change and pretty soon you’ll start to realize that nothing happened to you.
Literally, nothing does happen to you, but that’s another whole subject. For now, we can just say that nothing bad happened to you. Your feelings got hurt. Those feelings are made up of belief systems and programs and they are usually attached to the idea that you’re not loved and lovable. When someone betrays us, when someone says something nasty to us, when somebody does something “to us,” what happens is we don’t feel loved and lovable. We don’t feel good about ourselves. All of these things like betrayal and victimization and all these other things immediately step into play because they are programs and beliefs that go with that.
What if you saw it differently? What if you changed your perspective on it? What if you allowed yourself to be forgiving of the circumstances, just let it go, and then saw what happened? What would happen if you got the gift? I can tell you what will happen. You’ll get much more peaceful. You’ll get a lot less stressed. You’ll get a lot more joyful. You’ll get more things occurring in your life that’ll make you feel alive, passionate, and excited about living your life. That’s what happens. You’re not all tensed, coagulated up and tightened trying to get back at somebody. Is there any value in that? What good is revenge? None of it even make sense.Allow yourself to receive love and give love even when it doesn’t look like someone’s giving that to you first. Click To Tweet
All of this isn’t even logical and more importantly, it’s not real. You look from a bigger perspective and you find that forgiving someone else is about allowing life to give you the gift of whatever it is that you are desiring in that moment, which is always to allow yourself to be in the flow of love of life. To allow yourself to receive love and to give love even when it doesn’t look like someone’s giving that to you first. It doesn’t matter what anyone else does. It’s not about them. It’s about how you choose to live your life. How completely aligned to yourself can you be? How forgiving can you be of yourself for forgetting this, for not allowing yourself to see the truth rather being a victim?
You’re an amazing being. You have a whole character list of those that are here to support you. I’m one of them. That’s why I’m here with you. It is no accident. You handed me a script. I’m here reading to you, being with you, because I know what it is that you want. You want to know the truth of who you are. You want to know joy. You want to experience and overflow the love, no matter what happens in your life. You want to have the joy of your existence beyond your wildest dreams. I know you want that for others and to do that in your relationships.
In the relationship with yourself, with your romantic partner, with your boss, your children and all of the environment and everything else, you stay in the center of the hurricane because there will always be chaos. There will always be a betrayal. There will always be everything that doesn’t look fun because that’s what it’s called the movie of life, the game called life. You get to decide for yourself whether you will see yourself as the writer and the main player in life or whether you are going to be someone who was victimized and plays the role of the villain, a villain to themselves and a villain to others. I think your answer is very clear for you. The answer is in your heart. I know who you are and what it is that you want. Choose wisely. You are amazing. For more information on this and other similar subjects and programs, please go to my blog, www.UltimateRelationshipAcademy.com/blog, feel a hug.
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Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.