Let’s face it, we’re all control freaks. Some people admit it, some people won’t, but to some degree, everyone is wanting to control everything and everyone because that’s a deep survival mechanism that comes with the package of humanism. It’s what the ego does. It’s what the personality does. We have a personality and ego that loves to control. For those of you that are very spiritually oriented and say, “I’m not interested in controlling anyone,” that personality still has a little bit of something there where we like to feel safe, and control relates to safety. When you’re interested on how to control others, it’s really about the illusion of being safe. There’s one simple thing that you can do, stop being reactive. When you’re not reactive, there’s no battle and the drama and the trauma goes away. The activation of feeling like you need to defend goes away.
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How To Control Others
We’re going to talk about something interesting. Does the title, How To Control Others, intrigue you a little bit? Does it shock you a little bit? Most of you know that I’m about non-resistance and not controlling, but I like this title because it gives you, your ego and your personality, that part of us that loves to control. We’re all control freaks. Some people admit it, some people won’t, but to some degree, everyone is wanting to control everything and everyone because that’s a deep survival mechanism that comes with the package of humanism. It’s what the ego does, it’s what the personality does and you know that I use them interchangeably, although they’re not exactly the same thing. For the purpose of where we’re speaking now, we’re going to say that.
Here we have a personality and ego that loves to control. Immediately you’ll say, “How can I control somebody? How cool is that?” They’re usually pretty perked up, although for those of you that are very spiritually oriented and say, “I’m not interested in controlling anyone.” That personality still has a little bit of something where we like to feel safe and control relates to safety. It’s that survival thing again. There’s one simple thing that you can do, stop being reactive. Somebody comes up and says something to you and you want to come back at them with “Yes, but,” or “What about you having done this?” We get into justification. We immediately have a reaction that is usually attacking, defensive, justifying, somewhere in that department and it engages the battle. We now have somebody to spar with. The egos are at it.
They’re enjoying themselves because it gives you a little adrenaline rush and makes you feel like you’re alive and not feeling like your life is boring. Instead we have this drama trauma thing going on and that adrenaline helps us feel like we’ve got purpose. We can fight for our rights, we can do whatever it is we have to do to be right and to get what we want, which is control. If we’re controlling, then we feel the illusion of being safe. When you’re not reactive, there’s no battle. When you decide not to be reactive to anyone else, then what occurs is that there is nothing to get into a spar with. The drama goes away and the trauma goes away. The activation of feeling like you need to defend, goes away. When there’s no defense, there’s no battle. When there’s no battle, there’s peace.
The ego will almost always say, “That means that I’m giving in. That is a sign of weakness. I can’t do that.” We’re back into survival. “I can’t let them think that they won me over and then they got their way.” Why not? When you’re in control, you don’t care whether someone over there think that it’s okay or not okay. If they want to win, let them have the illusion that they’re winning. You know in your heart and soul that you are in control, because you’re over here observing how the whole thing’s coming down. You’re deciding how you’re going to be. You’re allowing people to have whatever it is that they want. Let them have it. What the heck? The real power is in you being centered in yourself without feeling like you have to battle to get your rights going.
When you just breathe into the situation and believe me, everyone has some form of trigger. Some triggers are bigger than others and you might get into that vortex of being very reactive. Stop yourself as soon as you catch yourself doing that. Come into the breath and settle into your body and say, “Do I choose to get into a battle which will lower my vibrations, interfere with my good thinking, interfere with the success of what it is that I’m desiring or am I going to just be okay with them having their thoughts? That’s where the power is. The power and the control is you determining how you are going to be in any given situation with any person that you’re interacting with. When you handle it this way, what you find is that people will back down.
It’s pretty amazing and there might be that part of you that says, “I’m letting them think they’re right.” Look inside and look at that ego piece. Let them have it. I’m going to repeat that because it’s important that you recognize that the resistance to someone being in a place where they think they won is going to cause you to lose. It doesn’t give you what it is you’re looking for, which ultimately is to feel good, peaceful, centered and loving. Even when you think you don’t want to be loving because you’re angry, you really do, because that’s what’s in our core. That’s who we are. I don’t care if you’re in business, if you’re with your family, with your children, with an ex, or whomever. Look at how you can take mastery over how you’re going to be with every single given situation and how you can maintain control because the control is inside of oneself.Control is really inside of oneself. Click To Tweet
That’s how you allow yourself to get the upper hand. When you got that going on, breathe, zip it. Stay in a place where you allow it to be there and when you’re empowered you’ll say, “I see that you feel strongly about that.” It’s an interesting viewpoint. That’s a response rather than a reaction. That’s a non-battling answer. Start to look at how you can be with everyone you’re with in a non-battling, non-confronting, stay in your own control and watch what changes in your life. I don’t know if you know, but I’m going to be going to South Africa in Johannesburg. I’m very excited because I’m going to be speaking at what’s called the Tycoons of Wealth. There’s going to be about 1,800 people there that I’ll be speaking to. If you know anyone in Africa, please let them know or let me know so I can inform them. They may choose to come to this event. It will completely change their lives, especially around business and relationships. I’m really honored to be able to be there.
I also want to ask you to right now, if you’re not on my mailing list, get on my mailing list. You can private message me your email or you can go to www.UltimateRelationshipAcademy.com. At the very top, there’s a place where you can get a free gift and that will automatically subscribe you. I’ve got some things that are coming up in the next several weeks that are going to be off the charts. I have free programs and free things that are going to support you. I also have things that will take you deep into yourself. I do private coaching. I do seminars and retreats, and I would love to be with you in person. Reach out, let’s connect and let’s see how I can best support you in having the life that you truly love to live. No more struggle, no more stuck, no more fear. Let’s take on what it is that you’re committed to. Until next time, feel a hug.
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.