When coming face to face with angry people, it is much easier to get riled up alongside them and engage in an argument. Doing this is actually not constructive nor is it useful to you. All it does it make things worse. Finding yourself in this situation should instead inspire you to become more observant rather than reactant. You don’t have to be a part of why they are upset nor do you have to apologize to them or for them. Learn how to deal with angry people. Take a step back and allow them their feelings.
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How to Deal With Angry People
I wanted to speak about something that’s been happening a lot lately and I had two incidences, which brought me to this awareness that this might be something important for you. I was coaching someone who was speaking about their partner, how this partner had been very triggered, and how this person I was speaking to got engaged in it. You know how that can happen sometimes where you’re speaking to somebody and somebody goes off tangent and you get engaged with them. That happens a lot for people.When somebody gets upset, you do not have to be a part of that. Click To Tweet
I also had another conversation with someone who had a different situation. It happened to be a couple that was experiencing their interchange. Their interchange had to do with the person becoming very upset. Here’s the bottom line. It’s very important that when we have somebody who gets upset, you do not have to be part of their upset. It is their perception. It is a process. It’s their choice to be in the place that they’re in. You won’t get upset if you don’t have a little something that’s intertwined with what it is that’s going on with their something. At that moment, when you start to notice that you’re starting to get riled up, what if you took a breath and look at what was going on inside of you? Ultimately, what they’re doing is none of your business.
You’ve probably all heard the saying, “What you think of me is none of my business.” That’s true because it doesn’t have anything to do with the other person unless you make that a part of your reality. On these two incidences, what came up was what is it that has to do with you? If this person has an opinion about you, so what? Why does that have to destroy your day or your moment? It doesn’t. What if you allowed yourself to allow them to have their experience? Instead of being reactive, going up, and justifying or doing whatever it is that you might want to naturally do from a personality standpoint, what if you sat there and took a breath?
I know that we want to be somehow involved, so give that person acknowledgment. “I respect how you feel.” That’s one response you could give. You don’t have to say, “I get what you’re saying, but that’s not true for me,” or “I get what you’re saying, but that’s not how it is. You’re confused. You got it all messed up in there,” which is sometimes what we want to do and sometimes, we say that or at least we think it. What if we allow them to vent and do whatever it is that they needed to do? At the end of their moment of expression, you get to say, “I hear you. I can see this is important to you or this is very upsetting for you,” but you do not get engaged with, “It’s good, it’s bad, it’s right, it’s wrong.” You don’t have to take a side and decide for yourself one way or the other. It’s not necessary and there is nothing constructive or helpful about it.
The minute you start to engage with somebody who’s in a trigger place, you’re going to find that they are going to be looking for you to attack them. You have the option of allowing them their feelings, allowing them to be with what it is. To the greatest level that you can, you’ll be at awareness without any judgment. You might have judgment but you don’t have to express that judgment because the minute you go into that conflict place with them, you’re in battle.
Suddenly, you’re in the midst of a fight. You’re in the midst of conflicting energy and then the ego gets very engaged and it always wants to be the winner. As a result, it’ll scream louder or come up with better results. If you notice that sometimes you’re with somebody who was a better, faster thinker than you, it looks like they win. Maybe you’re that way, so you enjoy doing those things because you look like you get to win. Are you getting what you want? Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? This is what you may be want to be thinking about because what the other person is going through has nothing to do with you.
You don’t need to apologize to them or for them. You do not need to do anything with what it is that’s going on to the circumstances. If it becomes violent, then my support to you is to remove yourself from the circumstances. There’s nothing constructive that’s happening here. As a result, “I’m going to end this conversation now,” and then remove yourself from the environment if that’s what you need to do. The minute you get into, “He said, she said. I’m right, you’re wrong. We can’t come to terms with this,” and there’s an anger about that, it’s not constructive. It’s not helpful. It does not allow you to be an observer. One of the other things you can do is become the observer of everything. Observe how you’re feeling and how you are perceiving them because the truth is it’s all about you.
Ultimately, there isn’t anyone over there. It’s about you having the experience that you’re having and how you want to perceive and be with what’s going on. We are always going to be having people in circumstances that are going to give us the opportunity to decide whether we want to be a master or a victim. Do we want to be awake, aware, and observe what goes on without all that other stuff going with it or are we going to dive into the lion’s den and start to fight? Do you want to be a boxer or do you want to be in the love, peace, and joy? What is it that you want? You have to make some determinations for yourself because it’s always your choice.When a person is angry, you don’t need to apologize to them or for them. Click To Tweet
These are a few moments that I wanted to spend with you to give you the realization that you don’t have to respond, react, or be with anyone in any conflicting way. You have the opportunity to look at them. When somebody’s coming at you and you’ve got some trigger going on, look at them, and it’s like you click the little mute button on your computer. All this stuff is going on, but there is nothing that you’re hearing. Allow yourself, like a silent movie, to not engage with the words, but you’ll laugh. You’ll get comical with yourself because you’ll see that it’s not real. It’s not happening. Allow yourself to be with that.
Look at that in a way that allows you to stay detached, observing, humorous inside yourself, and recognize that the game you’re playing is a game you’re playing. How do you choose to be with whatever is going on? Because when there’s an activation that occurs, hormones are released. It takes at least 72 hours for the body to quiet down. If you never let them get activated, you don’t have to ever worry about that, but you respect the fact that someone else might be there. Consider this and in doing so, you’re going to find that you will have an amazing experience. Make it fun. Remove the adjectives, push the mute button, and have a good time because if you look at it differently, you’ll start to enjoy every moment of your day. Until next time, feel a hug.
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Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.