Have you ever felt that hollow feeling inside? You look around and see that everything seems to be fine. The work is good as well as your family and your other relationships. Still, even with those, you feel this emptiness that continues to keep asking, “Is this all there is?” That feeling is called existential suffering. It is that feeling of dread even when things seem to work out. It is that hovering loneliness. When people feel that, they seek other people to make it all all right. Yet the answer only lies within you. Get in touch with the inner workings of your heart and reconnect with it. Feel what’s missing and find true fulfillment.
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Existential Suffering…Are You Kidding Me?
I’m going to speak about an interesting subject. It’s called Existential Suffering. You may go, “What the heck is that?” Let me try to explain this in a way that will make easy sense for you. Existential suffering is when internally we just do not feel fulfilled. This can show up in many parts of our lives. We might think it’s because our relationship isn’t working, maybe our money isn’t working, maybe we’re having difficulty with our work or with our career decisions. It can come from any area of life, but internally there’s a lack of fulfillment. There’s a feeling that we just do not have what it is that we want. There are other parts of life and some people will have a thing where they will have everything. It’s like their whole life seems to be working. They’ve got a great relationship. They don’t have any money issues. Their kids are terrific, but there’s still that empty, hollow, aching feeling.
These people might be walking around with the thought in their head like, “Is that all there is? What else can happen in my life? How come I can have everything working and still not feel like I ought to be feeling?” If you’re feeling that empty feeling and you’ve got “reasons” then, you will usually put the reason on the kids, the money, the health. The bottom core issue here is an empty sense of disconnect. This disconnect is in every single human being. Sometimes we are aware of it, sometimes we are not. Sometimes we will experience this empty hollow feeling and we will look for excuses as to why it’s there. It never dawns on us that it could be coming from a sense of not being in touch with whom it is that we truly are.Relationships are things that we cannot be without. In fact, every aspect of life is about relationship. Click To Tweet
The things that I’m speaking about might sound a little philosophical for you and they might be a little out there for you, but it’s a very key and core issue in people’s lives. I have spent so much of my life working with relationships and relationship issues. I’ve been called a relationship expert because I’ve been working with people like individuals, couples and business people for over 30 years. Not just relationships with their significant other or their children, but also with the environment, their animals, their boss or their job. Relationships are things that we cannot be without. Every single aspect of life is about relationship. When we look at the relationship that we have with our self and the relationship we have with a deeper core connection, we start to get warm. We cuddle up close to what it is that I’m speaking about here.
This hollow, empty feeling, this existential suffering is something that will not be fulfilled no matter how famous you are, no matter how successful you are, no matter how much money you have, no matter how great your relationship is. It doesn’t matter about any of these things. The key here is to recognize that this is a part of life. I cannot even begin to tell you how many people have come to me. I’ve been working with somebody who said, “I have it all.” I know she’s young and has a tremendous amount of success. She’s gorgeous. She’s got a great relationship, beautiful children, everything is going well and yet, there’s that empty, hollow, unfulfilled feeling. What do we do about this? How do we deal with is existential suffering?
We look at what it really is. We look at how it is that we are feeling internally and instead of reaching over there or out there for what it is that we are going to “blame it on,” we start looking internally. We start realizing that this sense of detachment or this sense of emptiness is because we are looking to connect with that real part of us, that core part of ourselves. Some people call it spirit, some people call it God, some people call it the universe, whatever it is for you, is what it is that we’re speaking about. Your life at the core, deep beginning-ness of yourself is about rediscovering or reconnecting to that part of yourself that you aren’t disconnected from it all. Rather, you are in a place where you have forgotten that you are what it is that you might be seeking.
Many people who have this existential suffering, will search emphatically. Year after year, their whole lifetime looking for that connection, they’ll go to gurus. They will go to spiritual teachers. They will read every book you can think of. They’ll watch all the videos. They’ll do everything they possibly can to try to fill up this place. What they notice is that doesn’t work either because there is no teacher, there is no guru. There is no one that is going to fill that up for you. Many times, there are avenues that can lead you to deeper introspection and that deeper introspection can help you get more connected to yourself. It takes the focus away from out there blaming something in life and inquires internally. In other words, it sends you to yourself to start looking at what it is that you are. Who are you really? What is it that your life is about? Is it about being all of these outer labels, the success, the money and the relationships or is it about feeling fulfilled internally?
The work that I do is about helping people see that the outer work that they do is not ever going to fulfill what it is that’s missing internally. The work that you can do externally when you’re aware and you’re focused can guide you. It can point you in a direction and the direction that it will always point you is internally because internally is where you have every single thing that you need. Every answer is within yourself. Everything that you desire is from within yourself. When you look to a relationship, no matter what that relationship would be, whether it be another human being, whether it’s with money, whether it’s your food or whether it’s drugs, there is always that desire that that relationship is going to fill you up and make your life more wonderful, more joyful and more awesome. It won’t.
It might give you a temporary high. It might give you a fleeting sense of happiness, but soon you will be back to the same places, “Who am I and what am I doing here?” When this is recognized, then the work that we do together is to allow yourself to recognize and learn to connect with that inner part of yourself which will allow yourself to recognize that it is all inside of you. It means that the self-judgment diminishes and then is eliminated. It means that there’s nothing out there or over there that needs to be changed, that your life doesn’t need to be completely restructured. Although sometimes, we go through a whole system of trying to restructure our lives. In doing that, we become more connected to ourselves, but the true happiness isn’t going to come because of restructuring your life.
It’s going to come because you are more connected to your own empowerment, your own sense of self-worth, your own sense of self-love. It takes a lot for us to let go of the old patterns. That’s why I use the term “the architect of the new you” because we become architects. We become construction workers or builders of releasing old belief systems, programs and ideas with what is more valid, which is more truthful, which is it’s already in you. It already is you and there is nowhere to go to get it. When you start to recognize that you are in existential suffering you’re not going to run over there to try to make it all better. You’re going to go within. Going within means that you spend more time breathing in through your nose, holding it for the count for five and exhaling to the count of five.
You follow that pattern for at least five cycles or ideally five minutes. When you do that the mind can’t keep up. It will start to think about a lot of things. When you just notice that thought process but do not react to it and you only focus on the breath, things quiet down and there’s a peace. When your mind is not so filled with all the doingness, all the survival, all the desperation, how to fix it and how to make everything all better, what happens? You suddenly hear, experience or feel what it is that will allow you to know this inner peace and that existential suffering fades away. There’s a fulfilling sensation inside oneself. The lack of feeling joyful and at peace is because of fear. Fear is a part of and a sensation from this existential suffering. When you recognize that you have nothing to fear, there is nowhere that you need to go, there is nothing that you need to do, there is nothing that needs to change, then, what occurs is that deep sense of relaxation, a deep sense of peace. A deep sense of knowing that all is well and perfect completely consumes you.
You will observe the outer world doing what it does. All the politics will be going on. All of the traumas and dramas of everyone’s life will be going on and you will be able to look at that and go, “This is an amazing experience. This is like a movie. This is the game called life. This is a powerful experience.” You will start to appreciate enjoying the game, very awake, very aware, completely unblemished by all that goes on. You will see it for what it is. The absolute amazing experience of life. Meaning, that all the happy, sad, mad and glad are just illusionary experiences that allow us to appreciate and live life as a human being. Ultimately, it cannot harm you, you cannot die, there’s nowhere for you to go, there’s nothing to change. The only thing that needs to happen is to allow life to be.
When you allow life to be and you do not resist anything, you feel peaceful. You’re not in resistance. Non-resistive living means that you are not fighting what is. I know that there may be some of you saying, “That’s easy for you to say, but what if you’re in an abusive relationship? What am I going to do? Am I supposed to say, ‘This was awesome?” I’m not saying that. It doesn’t mean that you don’t take action in areas of your life where you are so drawn to, but you do not allow yourself to feel victimized. You go, “Here’s a circumstance.” Whatever the inspiration that comes from within yourself is, that’s what you do. If you’re inspired to get the heck out of there and go to a friend’s home, go to a halfway house or something like that, then you do that.Every change in the outer world must come from the inside. Click To Tweet
There are no extra points for standing in front of the semi. There’s no reason for you to stay in a total state of suffering. How you perceive that experience will take you from feeling suffering to one of, “This is just an experience. I’ve got the experience and now something else is what I’m drawn to.” There’s not the hate, the violence, the blame, the regret or the wanting to get back and take revenge at someone. I know I am touching on some very deep concepts. I realized that some of this may be just throwing a whole bunch of stuff up for you. I invite you to read this again because this is just the first of many podcasts and blogs that I’m going to be doing around this. I’ll be more specific about money and how that affects it. It will be more specific about the relationship, your personal relationships and how that is intertwined with existential suffering.
I will speak about every area of life and how this feeling of disconnect is related to that and how you can do certain things that will allow you to move away from the resistance to those experience and point you in the direction which is inside. Every change in the outer world must come from the inside, the inside out. It’s not about trying to change the outer world. It’s about shifting who you are, what you think, how you be and what you frame your life to be like that will make you happy, sad, mad or glad. I invite you to be with what it is that I have shared. Don’t feel bad if you just say, “This is a bunch of hooey.” You don’t have to believe what it is I’m saying. I’m merely asking you to stay open to the possibility of, “What if what she said had a little bit of truth to it? What if it was completely true, how would my life be different?” I leave you with the adventure of contemplation and I cannot wait until we connect again. Until then, I am you, you are me and we are one. Feel a hug.
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Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.