Is being the nice guy the answer? Looking at what is going on with people and observing human condition, you can be aware of the different personality types and the way people are. When you are with people, you’re probably evaluating whether they are nice people or not. Do they appeal to you or do they not? Now look within yourself. Look at your personality. What do you enjoy? How are you with other people? Are you a fixer or are you the pushy type? It’s powerful for us to know who we are, what we attract, and how we like it so you can determine for yourself where you’re at and allow yourself to find the balance into that neutral place where you’ll find the joy.
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Is Being The Nice Guy The Answer
I’m going to speak about, “Is being the nice guy the answer?” I am looking at what it is that’s going on with people. I’m observing the human condition and just watching. Lately, I’ve been astutely aware of the different personality types and the way that people are. We’ve been speaking to people about different coaching, different business things and all these different things. Based on that, I’ve been watching how people approach and how they be in themselves and how they be with other people. It’s fascinating because some will come across with a kind, gentle way of being with you. They speak slowly. They’re interacting with you. They’re with you and others are just, “Blah.” All they’re doing is telling and they are not in a place where they ever stopped for feedback.
They’re not in a place where they’re with you and they seem pushy and dominant. I’m noticing that a lot of times in business, this is pretty characteristic. That there are those that are more what I’ll call heart-centered and then there are those that are, “I’m going to get this done now.” They’re pretty hyper but most of them are very successful but there’s a difference in personality. My question to you is, which do you feel most comfortable with? The people that are pretty active and very alive in their lives, very sharp and they are in a constant state of doing this, you maybe the people that are drawn to the people that speak 100 miles an hour. There are those of you that are like, “I just want to hear what it is you have to say. Don’t give me a big, long zippo story and a PowerPoint. I want to be able to feel what it’s like.”
The reason it’s important for you to know this is because when you are with people, you’re probably evaluating whether you think that they are nice people or not nice people. Do they appeal to you or do they not appeal to you? Do you feel shut off or do you not feel shut off? That’s because of what it is you have going on inside of you. I’m being a little extreme here with both sides, where are you at? Are you one of those, “I want to make everybody happy and I’m going to say it right and I’m going to acquiesce to whatever it is that they want?” Are you one of those dominant and pushy types that says, “This is what we’re doing, this is how we’re going to do it, this is what I’ve done. Don’t listen to anything else, just listen to me because I know the answers?” What you’ll find is both sides will create certain levels of success in their life. They’re not appealing to everyone.Everything we do is because we're looking for some payoff. Click To Tweet
Look at your personality. What do you enjoy? Now that you’ve done that, how do you be with other people? Are you a fixer? Are you a, “I don’t want any confrontation?” Are you the kind of people that will do whatever it is that will get everybody to like you and say, “Yes,” or as I said a few moments ago, are you the kind that is just that pushy type? I’m going into this place because it’s powerful for us to know who we are, what we attract and how we like it. My ideal, back in confession again, what’s true for me is generally I like things that are quick, obviously.
Most of the time I speak 90 miles an hour, maybe not 100 but 90 miles an hour. I also like to make sure that people feel good. This is part of what I am about because I enjoy feeling good and I do like when people feel great about themselves, that’s my work. My work is to help people know who they are, how powerful they are, how important they are. How they could make a difference in their own lives and other people’s lives because of that incredible sense of being in the love, the joy, the connectedness or whatever word you want to use.
That doesn’t matter whether it’s business, personal relationships or money or whatever it is, it’s who you be internally. When you know more about who you are, you’ll know who it is that you’re attracting towards you and you can start observing. If you’re one of those, “I don’t really like confrontation,” people, are you taking the time to tell your truth? Are you being authentic? Are you squelching and suppressing yourself because you’re too afraid? Are you at that way over here extreme? Not good, bad, not right, wrong, nothing, it’s just what it is. The question is, “Are you being all that you can be in that moment?”
If you’re a people pleaser big time, which many women are I might add and some men, but women are specialists at that. If that’s what it is that you’re about, then look deeper and see if you’re really happy with that. Do you like being that wild person that’s really clear, authentic, forward and empowered? Do you like feeling a little bit less than so other people feel more than? It’s a great observation. If you’re one of those people that is pushy and dominate the situation, then how do people respond to you? Do you get the results you’re looking for? Are you able to have the results from the conversation or from the relationship that you really want?
When you get these two personalities together, you’ve got some issues going on most of the time. The one dominant person who might use anger, control or whatever to get that situation in their control, the other person, depending upon how they be, will then shut themselves down and become less. They wilt like a flower. I did that once in my relationships in the past and it’s not a good feeling. It’s taken me a long time to move myself back to a place of empowerment where I am able to hear that.
That’s not something that I’m comfortable with, nor is it something that I enjoyed dealing with in my life, so I set my boundaries. This whole talk is about introspection for you. If you’re the pushy dominant type and you’re not getting the results that you want, think about speaking from down here in your chest a little bit lower. I think they call that the heart, the place that’s a little bit softer, a little bit more aligned with the person that you’re speaking to. If that’s the person who you’re speaking to.
Most of you have all heard of NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming. In NLP, what you learn to mirror and be where the people that you’re speaking to are. Everyone ought to take an NLP class because if you allow yourself to pace with the person that you’re with, you will be a lot more successful in your conversations and in every other way that you are communicating in every single area of your life. It might be something fun to look up or get the principles of that and think about what the bottom line is and here’s the bottom line.
Everything we do is because we’re looking for some payoff. We want something. Whether you like to think that’s so or not, it is. What that means is you may be a giver, a contributor, a philanthropist or whatever because it makes you feel good. If you’re dominant and controlling, you feel good because you feel like you’re in power. If you’re suppressed, then you many times will feel good because that person feels more. Ultimately underneath all of these things, people really aren’t feeling good or they wouldn’t try to boast up or become less than. It’s that neutral place that you want to find the joy. That’s where you’ll find the joy.
Think about that and determine for yourself where you’re at and if you like where you’re at, keep it. If you don’t, think about shifting it to maybe little bit different instead of the scales being one extreme or the other. If you came a little bit more even with yourself and you allowed yourself to find the balance. You are speaking and being from your heart, while you were clear, authentic, empowered and that person that you were with really got that you cared, but you weren’t a worm on the dust or an ant on the hill. I want to ask you to continue to share, to comment and give me all the feedback you possibly can. Give this to other people. Pass it along. It’s how we help each other.
The other thing I’d like to invite you to do is go to my website, Esateys.com. You can receive two free gifts there. You can be on my mailing list so you know what’s happening in this world that might be able to support your world in a way that’s profound. Here’s your question to contemplate, “What if I lived a completely balanced life and communicated with an open heart but a clear, empowered, authentic way of being?” Do that and see what it feels to do that. What if I did that? What would my life be like? It just might be a little different. I’m looking forward to next time and until then, feel a hug.
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.