We all have expectations. It’s easy for us to have expectations of other people, but what happens when we have expectations of ourselves? Our self-expectations most probably came from someone else along the line. Many times, we have not lived up to our own expectations, so how do you go about managing expectations? You have to realize that ultimately, the expectation is to have no expectations. When you have no expectations and you allow life to happen, it takes away your judgments and allows you to trust in the process of life and feel more peaceful. That’s a big task for most people, but if you are willing to entertain that as a way of being and as a way of life, your entire life will change.
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Managing Self-Expectations And Trusting The Process Of Life
I am going to speak about when your expectations are screaming. I am going to tell you a little story about what happened for me. This week just turned into this wild week. Most of that follow me regularly that I usually do a Facebook Live on Monday or Tuesday and Thursday or Friday or whatever, and this we got so out of control. Of course this was a holiday week and that set my calendar in here a little bit off, but those are excuses. I was so filled with so many things, so many exciting, awesome things that I didn’t get this done and it’s sad for me because I love doing my Facebook Live. It was another one of those days. I barely had time to get a drink of water, let alone take the time to do this.
I realized that I had expectations of myself about what it was that I wanted to get done, so my expectations were screaming. We’re going to get up and leave early because we’re going to go to the Washington State Fair, the Puyallup Fair, because we want to talk to as many people as we can about the Helo. Because of that, I realized I wasn’t going wait until tomorrow because I figured it probably wouldn’t get done. The point of all of this is I want to share with you about how what happens when your expectations take you over and when you realize that you’re not managing them, you will either create joy or you will create a very un-fun feeling like pain. By the end of this, you’re going to have clarity about how these subtle expectations are deeply ingrained in us and whether they’re powerful or whether diminishing and what you can do if what you see or recognize about yourself isn’t working.
We all have expectations. I was just sharing this thing for me and doing this and I also know that I have an expectation that the sun will shine tomorrow, or at least it will rise. I know that there is going to be the leaves changing, the seasons change. We all count on that depending upon where we live. We expect that when we hit that light switch that the light’s going to go on and we expect when we turn on the faucet that the water’s going to flow. We have a lot of expectations and we take this all for granted. We take so much in our life for granted. One of the times that we went to India, I learned very quickly about expectations. I also learned a lot about gratitude because when you’re over there and you’re seeing people that are sleeping on the streets and you see piles of trash that are 30 and 40 feet tall and you see people defecating on the side of the street and very bony, skinny people, you have a whole another level of what we take for granted and what our expectations are about are difficult life.
I’ve said it many times before that my worst day is someone else’s wildest dream. What’s all these have to do with expectation? What it has to do with expectation is that we take a lot of things for granted and we have expectations about things that sometimes don’t go our way. Have you ever noticed that? How many expectations do you have of your children? Of the people that you work with? Of your partner? Of your animals? Of anything else? What happens when they don’t live up to your expectations? What happens when your child comes home and, depending upon you and how you think, comes home with a B and you go, “Jim, that’s a B,” because you expected As or straight As. What if they come home with a C and you expecting B’s or A’s? You have expectations. How you handle them, that’s the key piece. The key piece is what do you have as an expectation and how do you handle your expectations when they are not working the way you would like? Have you ever noticed that you can’t get other people to be what you want them to be? I’ve had to look at that one because I have some pretty high demands of what it is that I expect of myself first and then other people. I’m going to ask you to look inside yourself.
If you’re liking what you’re hearing and you love what it is that we do here and you learn things, then please share these. I’m so appreciative of those of you that have shared. I also would appreciate it if you’d comment, tell me what expectations you have and how you deal with them, because you can help other people when you allow yourself to be transparent.
The question that you can ask yourself is “How many times have you not held up to your own expectations and how do you deal with that?” It’s easy for us to have expectations of other people, but what happens when we have expectations of ourselves? Some people don’t even realize they don’t even have any expectations in other people, “This is what I’m going to do. I said I would” and all of that, and if we run one hair off of our level of expectation, one level off of our perception, what happens, we start banging on ourselves. We start self-talking with denigration. We start making ourselves wrong, or we hear our mother or father’s voice in our ear saying, “See. I knew you would never live up to anything,” or “You can’t finish what you start,” or whatever it is that you may have heard. You have a self expectation that most probably came from someone else along the line. Is that expectation causing you pain or is it causing you joy? What happens and how are you going to deal with it when you aren’t living up to those expectations?
This could be upsetting for some people, but ultimately the expectation is to have no expectations. Your mind is probably going “What that heck?” Stay with me because I will tell you that when you have no expectations and you allow life to happen, then you’re not distressed when it doesn’t look like your pictures. You don’t have anything that you need to get on yourself or anyone else about. It takes away your judgments. It allows you to trust in the process of life. It allows you to feel more peaceful, more regularly. That’s a big ask for most people, but I will tell you that if you are willing to entertain that as a way of being, as a way of life, your entire life will change literally. When you aren’t demanding certain level within yourself or within other people, then you’re going to find that what’s happening is absolutely perfect. It’s important that you consider these things and if you like what’s being said or if you don’t, send me some hearts, send me some loving here because remember, I’m here loving on you and I’m calling for the love and back.
I want to tell you a whole story of a lady I met. In New Seasons, which is like Whole Foods, I walk in and they always have little samples on the table of all these things. I went over and I saw the samples and I was in my own little world. This woman comes up and she taps me on the shoulder and she started complimenting me at a high level and telling me she liked my hair and all of this stuff. That was sweet and we started having this conversation. I had no expectation of that of course. We got into this conversation and she asked me what I did and I said I work from home and I work with the Helo. She said, “I’m a diabetic. That’s something I need,” and then she went on to tell me how she goes around in life and she likes to make people feel good. She makes a point of going up to people and saying nice things to them.
What I said to her was, “That’s what I do. I go on Facebook and I love on people and I go into the world and I just love loving on people and what I do with my work is love on people, and if they happen to love what it is, what I’m doing, then that’s even more of a bonus.” I told her, I said, “We’re so much alike. Can you imagine what our world is going to be like when there’re more than two of us doing this?” I know some of you do this, but when it’s your mission to go out there and love on people and make their day a better day, do you realize so many people in the world that are hurting so much would have a completely different perspective?
I know I went over here a little bit and I’m going come back here to the expectation thing as I wind this up. The question I have for you is, “Are you willing to look at things from a different perspective?” because if you would like to avoid the highs and the lows, the pain or the suffering, and stay more at an even keel, maybe even joy, then you’re going to have to get rid of those expectations. When you have an expectation that is not living up to your expectations, what do you need to do? You shift the perception and say, “What’s another way I could be looking at this?” or “What’s great about this that I haven’t seen yet?” or “Show me what it is that’s awesome about this experience.” When you ask the universe if you will for a different perspective, then what occurs is you can’t get caught up and demanding other people to bee what you want. You quiet yourself down in regard to the things that are on your own head and how your own self-judgment is coming up.
Ultimately, we all want to feel good. That is the pain-pleasure principle in action when we are looking for pleasure, that’s a human thing. We all have it to whatever degree that we do. What if you weren’t attached? What if you changed your perception? Joy is the allowing of life to flow and be whatever it is. The pain and the suffering come from trying to make things be the way that you or I think it ought to be. I didn’t have anybody die and assign me to be the ruler of the world, so how do I know what’s best for you or how do you know what’s best for me or anyone else for that matter? Therefore, look at your expectations and look at how controlling they are and look at how diminishing of your good humor and usually other people’s as well they are, and ask yourself if that’s lifting you to where you’re feeling better or/and is it going to help the other person, or is it bringing you down and feeling badly because you’re in such judgment.
These are important questions to ask yourself because if you want your life to be like I know you want it to be, then this is a very big subject for you to look at and make a change if you so desire. Shift your perception, manage your expectations, and recognize that when you’re expectations are screaming, you have two choices, you either fulfill that because it’s a choice or you change your perception and you allow it to be whatever it is. Here is your question, “What would it take for me to allow life to be instead of trying to control it?”
My request is that you share this. My request is that you comment and get engaged with me. My request is that you go to my fan page or my business page called Wake Up with E because I’m starting to get that going and I’m going to be doing a journal over on that page, separate from what I’m doing here. I’m going to continue this. I’m considering speaking about books that I read. I read a lot of books and if you’d like to have me speak about those and make some book recommendations, then comment below and let me know that you would like me to do that. If that’s the case, I will do that because I love being able to be of service.
Until next time, remember, no expectations, you never know when I’m going to do at Facebook Live and notice if that makes you feel excited or upset or controlling or whatever, and take that out to the other areas of your life. Know that you’re the master of your own world. Until next time, feel a hug.
Author: Esateys Stuchiner
Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.
Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.
Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.
For more information, go to esateys.com.