RDD 1 | Relationships Done Different


Relationships are more than what we perceive them to be. They are not Band-Aid solutions that fix us temporarily from what our life currently looks like; nor are they about just being romantically involved with someone. Relationships, simply, are not about being separate from one’s self; rather, a relationship is your own personal development. Welcoming us to Relationships Done Different is power couple, Esateys and Rafael Stuchiner, who have been working to transform the lives of many through relationships and personal development. Together, they give us a peek into how, by mastering your relationships, you can master your life. They explore the different kinds of relationships, all the while sharing how it can be a gateway to happiness. Esateys and Rafael will show you how they do relationships differently as they share how working on yourself—and not on others—will help you attract those that are important for you to spend the next phase of your life with. Sharing personal experiences on how their ideas came to be, you will find great joy in the process of becoming empowered yourself.

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Welcome To “Relationships Done Different”

Master Your Relationships – Master Your Life

Thanks for being here for our new podcast, Relationships Done Differently: Everyday Strategies For Happiness.

Let’s get real here because we’re real. We’re blunt and we’re direct.

We like to have fun.

The bottom line is that we all want to be happy. I have coached thousands of people. What I’ve learned is that no matter what’s going on in their life, they want to get it fixed so they can feel good inside, so they can feel happy. Most people think that relationship is going to be the answer, “If I have an awesome relationship, then everything is going to be terrific.” It’s not exactly the way it works. Relationships are phenomenal. What I call them is personal development on steroids. What happens is when you’re with a relationship, they mirror things too. What is important about that is they help us see the parts of ourselves that we don’t want to see. Relationship is like a gateway to happiness. Sometimes it is happy.

The more you know yourself, the more awareness you have about yourself. Click To Tweet

If you have an awareness about what’s going on in relationship, then what happens is instead of being a person who is blaming and saying, “He did that to me or she did that to me,” what happens is you become completely responsible internally and you learn about the way the mind works. You learn how the personality is going through. We’re going to speak about so many of these things. If you understand relationships, then you will love relationships most of the time. Sometimes occasionally, it still shows up like they’re doing something. It is something that is going to make something very powerful. Also, please understand that I’ve been speaking about personal relationships or more than that.

There are a lot of different relationships that we have. When I first started doing this work with Esateys, I thought of relationships as most people do is with the significant other, “I want to have a relationship with someone. I want to have someone to keep me company. I don’t want to be lonely,” and the myriad of reasons that people think they want to be in a relationship. The truth is, we have a relationship with many other things. We have a relationship with our body, environment, children, and with money and that’s a big one, especially for people like me. The cool thing about the relationship work that we do and that we’re going to be talking about, is that every principle that we will talk about applies to every one of these relationships and a whole bunch of other relationships that I haven’t even mentioned. The underlying premise to relationships, the underlying laws, so to speak, or the truths of relationship apply to everything. I always say, “Master your relationships and you master your life.”

As long as you are viewing relationships as an opportunity to become a happier person, to learn who you are, what you’re doing here and what all of life is about, then relationships are so important. They are key.

Talk a little more about relationships being personal development on steroids. You went through that fast. That’s a point worth discussing.

RDD 1 | Relationships Done Different

Relationships Done Different: You have the ability to live life the way you would like to live it.


One of the things that’s important about relationships and utilizing them as personal development, I know that we’re taking all the romanticism out of it and all that kind of stuff. It’s not what we mean to do. It’s fun to have relationships, be very romantic and go through all of these things that we go through when we meet someone. It’s also important from our viewpoint that you stay aware of what’s going on in that time. The more you know yourself, the more awareness you have about yourself. What you’re looking for under the covers is that you are looking and seeking to find what it is that you want in your core and that is happiness. That is peace. That’s a sense of being loved and lovable.

People in general across the board, in varying degrees, do not get or feel loved and lovable. They don’t get that they’re lovable. There’s so much self-talk going on. There’s so much self-denigration. It’s very sad sometimes to hear how people speak to themselves. If you’re not sure, take a listen sometime. When you’re observing how people are being with themselves, they go, “I screwed that up. I could never have that happen.” Whatever it is, it’s a lot of things. What’s interesting about that is that when we are speaking to ourselves that way, we’re speaking to our children that way. We’re speaking to other people many times. If we aren’t speaking it out loud, we’re thinking it. All of these thought processes have an effect on the way we feel. Every thought has a certain attitude, energy or frequency to it. We know that when we are feeling good, our attitude is high and we’re feeling in the zone, then everything in the world looks different.

When we are feeling crummy, iffy, depressed and self-denigrating, those things create heaviness and weight in our chest and in our bodies. We start seeing life through the lenses of, “I might as well go eat worms because I’m no good. Nothing I do is any good. Nothing is going to work. Nothing has ever worked,” and we start going down this spiral. The same thing can happen but in the other direction when we start living in a state of gratitude, when we start looking at things as we would love them to be. Perhaps they already are but we spend time like writing in a gratitude journal, for example. Something that seemingly is very simple but what it does is it changes that whole frequency, happy zone place. It’s very exciting because you have the ability to live life the way you would like to live it. You have and deserve the right to live the life that you love living. Only very few people who live with that realm of thought processing.

The only way that you can get there is to understand those individual things, issues or programs that you have about yourself. That guaranteed will come up through relationships. I’ve been in a couple of relationships. This is, truth be known, my third marriage. I will tell you, they all started great and then things happen. That’s the thing that we’re going to be talking in this program and why we call it Relationships Done Different. The lessons and the self-growth we can get from relationships is huge. Sometimes I get that and sometimes she’ll say, “I don’t get it.”

You have and deserve the right to live the life that you love living. Click To Tweet

Sometimes it’s easy to look at and sometimes it isn’t easy to look at. We don’t like to look at those parts of ourselves that we judge very severely. Because of that, we have a tendency to get very defensive and very judgmental on the other person, which is a way that we are projecting our own discomfort on someone else so we don’t have to look at but that doesn’t change what is. The more awake, the more aware, the more connected you are to what you think, feel, say, the more astutely you will be able to live your life. The more profoundly you will be able to see relationship as a true gift that it is. It takes a learning. That’s why we say Relationships Done Different because we’re not going to tell you how to dress and all that stuff to go meet somebody. We’re going to tell you that when you are working with yourself and you have your act together, you will attract the person that is important for you to spend your next phase of life with. If you’re in a relationship, which very powerful is it’s not too late. Growth self-development is a continuous experience. When you start working on yourself, your relationship will become different. It will become very clear about what you personally need to do that will make a difference in your relationship. It will make a difference in the relationship with yourself first and then other people in your life after that.

It’s pretty amazing when you make that first shift in yourself, how others or your partner for example, really change without even knowing it. We were going to have an introduction for this program to tell you about the things that we’re going to be talking about and what we’re going to be doing. Esateys, tell us about yourself so people know who you are.

Let me tell you a little bit about my “history.” In the media department, I have had two different radio shows. One was called Multidimensional Relationships and the other one was called Relationships and Beyond. I enjoyed doing those but then my life shifted and I haven’t been doing them. For me, coming back and doing podcasts like this is very awesome. I also have 100 or so episodes of another podcast that I’ve done in the past. I didn’t do them from video so much. That one’s called Waking Up with Esateys. There are a lot of information. I’ve done a quadrillion seemingly of Facebook Lives. I have put a lot of energy into sharing what it is that I have learned personally through programs, videos, audios and different programs that I have done. I have been doing one-on-one coaching for many years. The one-on-one coaching has taught me so much myself that I have wisdom that has been personally acquired. It’s also been acquired vicariously through working with other people. I learned what it is that they thought and what they were going through and how the things that I suggested were workable as would be ideal.

Because of that, I have a lot of wisdom that is laser-like. I can help people in a way that is straight to the point so we’re not scattered all around. I’ve always had an interest in the human condition since I was young. I was the counselor to my mother, to my brother-in-law and to all these other people. I was trained in medicine. I’m a national and board-certified nurse practitioner. I took a little break from that and I had a serious car accident. During that time, I was a year in a wheelchair. I slept upright in a hospital bed for about three months. I had a lot of time to contemplate what it is that’s important in life. I learned that it wasn’t about the money, which was my main focus before. It was about who am I, what am I doing here and what’s important in life? I had so many friends and clients that were extremely wealthy and they were unhappy. I started thinking about that, “Money is important, but it is not going to be my only focus.” Because of that, I started going deeper into what life was about and the human condition.

RDD 1 | Relationships Done Different

Relationships Done Different: Life is happening but you are going to be the one who decides with that piece of free will that you have about how you’re going to perceive it.


We are very fascinating when we start to study ourselves. During that accident, I had what’s called a near-death experience. Meaning that I died for a moment or so then I came back. After that, I started seeing, feeling, thinking everything from a different viewpoint. That’s when I started getting much more engaged in, “What’s going on? Who am I and what am I doing here?” I started going into alternative medicine and I worked with Deepak Chopra for about three years. I was on his board of directors for a while. I moved from traditional medicine even though I’m still licensed. We’re in our nutritional supplement office because alternative medicine, homeopathy, direct organ support with the body, connecting with your body intuitively and otherwise is something that I have found to be incredibly helpful. Because of that, it’s not my main point of focus but it fits in beautifully with the things that we work with. I got engaged in the mindset and the mind-body connection. I started doing retreats and seminars. In addition to my coaching, I started doing public speaking. I spoke to about 1,600 people in Africa.

There are a lot of different things. I’ve authored a couple of books. I’ve done a lot of different things because I love life. I love sharing what it is that I learned and I know. I know there are things that I’m going to learn from you all. I’m going to ask you to make comments and interact with us. This is not supposed to be a one-way street. This is an interactive experience. If you’d like to come on what Rafael calls the Hot Seat and come on with us, we could do some little coaching or answer a couple of questions. You can always write in and ask questions because we’re going to tell you about that part. The bottom line is you can tell probably that I love to chat and speak. As our work evolves, I want to keep you updated about what is happening. What it is that you can do to make your life more awesome than you could ever dream or imagine. I can tell you that it is an ongoing process. It’s not something that happens and then goes away.

One thing that I don’t know that you talked about is after Esateys’ near-death experience, even though I didn’t know her at that time, she sees things from a macro point of view, the big picture. We’d been together over many years. We’ve been married for many years. It never ceases to amaze me. The thing about that is there’s not a day that doesn’t go by where she’ll come out of the bathroom or she’ll say something from a point of view, from a bigger picture that encapsulates and takes in so much more than is apparent. That’s the basis of the work that we’re doing here. I thought I would tell you that because it is important to be able to see things from out here rather than in that little tunnel. I’ll tell you about myself because I used to live in the tunnel.

One of the things that I would love for you to take away, if you don’t hear anything else hear this, happiness is a choice. You get to decide what it is that you want in life. Life is happening but you are going to be the one who decides with that piece of free will that you have about how you’re going to perceive it. Things are happening. What’s happening is brought to you in a way that allows you to decide, “Do I want to be happy, sad, mad or glad about this?” That’s an empowerment that we’ll talk about throughout our episodes. You are aware that you become empowered. This work is about becoming empowered, becoming aware and becoming astutely in control of that mind that you have going on here.

When you start working on yourself, your relationship will become different. Click To Tweet

I am the kind of person who used to see things from a very narrow tunnel. I’m from New York. I’ve been living out at West for over twenty years and I still have the accent. I’m a recovering lawyer. For eight years, I was a tax lawyer. I had a real estate business in New York. I had my own successful decorative hardware business for twenty years. I had everything. I had money. I had all those things and I wasn’t happy. I met Esateys through a confluence of events, my life changed. We became friends first, then we became business partners and then we became a couple. I want to say that we’re going to be talking about extraordinary possibilities. That, for me, was one of them that happened in my life but suffice it to say, I’m a left-brainer. I’m good with numbers. As I said, I was a tax lawyer. If anybody knows of anything that’s more left brain than that, let me know. I’ve changed so much. I don’t practice law anymore.

The last years, I’ve been working exclusively with Esateys in doing this work. It’s made such an incredible difference for me. Together, we form a cool pair. I’m here to bring the male perspective into all of these conversations. We know women love to chat. We know women have certain things that are very different from us men. By being here, staying with us, listening to the things that we have to say, I hope you’re going to get both perspectives. It’s the only way to get to know yourself. Us, men, have a lot of women in us and women have a lot of men in them. That is something that is changing very rapidly.

We all have a male side. Women have testosterone, androgens and all different kinds of things that allow us to be balanced. Men have different female hormones as well. We have some of each, some are more prevalent than others. Why are you here now? Why did you tune in? Why are you reading this? Think about it for a moment. There’s something inside of you that is looking for something to answer, heal, shift, change, expand or whatever it may be. It doesn’t matter what it is. What’s awesome is that you’re here because it’s no accident that you’re here. It’s also no accident that you’re ready for the next step in your life. That’s what this work does. It takes you to the next step of your life whatever that is. Let’s say you hear something that seems like, “That’s way over there for me.” What if you said to yourself, “What if that was true or what if that was a possibility?” If you live with an open mind and an open level of possibility, then magical things will happen for you. It makes such a difference. You may be in a relationship or you may want a relationship. It doesn’t matter.

You may have issues with your children, your parents or your boss.

RDD 1 | Relationships Done Different

Relationships Done Different: The universe seeks the answer that is perfect for us at the exact minute when we need it.


It can also be about your career. It could be about the money. Maybe you had a lot of money but something happened and then you lost your money. You’re not used to living in a place where you’re living now. Maybe you have everything. You have a relationship, you’ve got the money, you’ve got the beautiful home and all those things that go with it but you still feel that empty feeling inside. You feel that heaviness and that emptiness. There’s a missing link but we don’t know what it is. It’s that yearning that we have for something that’s beyond what we have physically.

That was my experience and how I ended up seeking out on a subconscious level, Esateys and how my life changed from there. To me, I had everything and I still wasn’t happy. Back a number of years ago, Peggy Lee did a song called Is That All There Is? That had a big impact on me because I had every material thing but inside, there was something missing. That’s the thing that we’re here to explore with you.

That’s an important thing to recognize. No matter how much you know, how much you have, how much experience you have or how little you have, you’re still in a place where growth is never-ending. Personal awareness and personal development is truly a never-ending experience. It’s important that you have yourself in a place of openness, willingness and possibility. Your life can become so much more than it currently is regardless of what place you’re in your life. If you have a willingness and you have a desire to open up to another level, you’re going to find that your life is going to be incredibly different as you stay tuned and continue to work with us.

We had been thinking about doing this show for a number of months. We put a lot of thinking into how we could best serve our audience. We came up with a structure that we hope and will create significant opportunities for you to get exactly what you need from it. The first part of each show that we’re going to do will be what we call our Topic for the Week, our teaching, learning for the week. After that, we’re going to do a segment called Ask E. That’s what Esateys was talking about. That segment is your opportunity to write in. Send us an email with your questions. We’ll have information about how to do that. We want you to ask anything that you would like. We’re going to have a part of the Ask E segment what we call a Hot Seat. If you have something going on and you’d like some personal one-on-one coaching or work with Esateys, that’s a great opportunity. I know from experience that if you shuddered a little like, “How could I do that?” That’s exactly what would be optimal for you so that you can shed the façade and, “There’s something wrong with me,” and get down to finding out who you are and being real.

No matter how much or little you know and have, you will still be in a place where growth is never-ending. Click To Tweet

This is an important thing. Whenever you want to hide, back away or you don’t want to walk into the fear, then just understand and this is not good, bad, right or wrong. Understand that what you’re doing is you’re guarding the ego. The ego is the part of us that wants to hide in the shadow everything it possibly can. It has a judgment that if you know who I am, you won’t love me. I won’t be accepted. People will make fun of me. Whatever it is. Be aware that when you feel that resistance, that’s the time to walk through. Never ever let the fear stop you. It will do its best to do that. When you do, it is now feeding the ego. Be aware of that.

The last segment that we’re going to be doing here is what we call Living in the World of Possibility segment. In that segment, Esateys will be asking a question.

This the part of the episode of the show where I will give you a question to contemplate for the next week until we come back. If you take this without expecting an answer or without making up an answer, but it just becomes very rhetorical. Then what you will find is your mind will be very curious, it perks up and they’ll go, “I can do that. I can figure that out.” Think of it like a Jack Rabbit. It runs out into the universe to look for the answer that is the best answer for you. As an example, I just had two people, one of them had appendicitis and the other person was in a car accident. One of the things that I suggested to both of them was to say to themselves repeatedly, “What’s great about this that I haven’t seen yet?” When you send your precious little mind off to come up with an answer for that, then what happens is it takes you away from the idea of, “I’m a victim. Things didn’t work the way I want. How could this happen the day before Christmas?” or whatever the case may be. It shifts the perspective of what occurred to something like, “This is very cool.”

Let’s ask you to look at the questions. What if I was more loving for the next seven days than I have ever been in my life? If loving is too weird of a word for you, you could say, “What if I was more kind than I have ever been in the next seven days than I’ve ever been before? When you plant that seed, you’ll notice that people will come in front of you seemingly. They will be looking for something that they need, which is many times it’s just a smile. It’s somebody saying, “Your hair looks great.” It’s somebody that you can walk up to and be playful with them and say something like, “It looks like you’re carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.” Maybe they’re carrying a big heavy box or something like that. Something that lets them know that they are seen and they are noticed. That you as an individual experienced them in life, they become apparent. When that happens, people start to feel it. They feel it in their heart and it increases their own self-love. The way that they feel about themselves is escalated. You could make a huge difference. One of these times, I’ll do a whole session on questions and speak more about that. Questions are much more powerful than statements.

Two things about that number one, if you have a piece of paper or you’re at a place where you can write down those two questions or a variation of that and ask yourself that question every night before you go to bed. That’s all you have to do. It’s not serious work, but things will change when you do that. The other piece that I always love to talk about when we talk about questions is the thing that hooked me on questions and doing these questions was the metaphor of a Google Search. When you go to Google, you’ll type something into the search bar and it goes out into the universe and comes back with millions of possibilities and answers. To me, when we ask that question our mind, being goes out into the universe seeking the answer that is perfect for us at that exact minute. When you think about that, it’ll change your perception about Google. It’s been very profound for me. We hope you enjoy that. We think that that’s going to be the most popular aspect of our show.

We have so much in store for you. We have so much excitement, growth, fun, and laughter. We invite you to join us every week. We also invite you to invite your friends. Let other people know about this because the more of a community we gather up, the more profound questions we’ll receive. The more ideas you will all give me and give us about what it is that you would like for us to speak about. We’re here in service to you. This is fun. We feel you and we want to be with you during these exchanges. Give us your feedback. Give us your questions. We will attend to those for sure because we’re here for you. You can email me at Esateys@Esateys.com.

If you liked what you heard and you want to hear more of this, hit the subscribe button. It will show up to you every week. I wanted to leave you with one of my favorite quotes from Mahatma Gandhi, “Be the change that you want to see in the world.” Every time I say that, it gives me goose pimples and it puts me right back on track. I invite you to think about that and share that with others.

Your life can become so much more than it currently is regardless of what place you are in your life. Click To Tweet

That is very powerful because that’s how the world becomes the world that you love to live in, by you being that and exampling that to other people. Have a great, glorious, awesome and incredible week. We will look forward to being with you. Until then, make this the most awesome week of your life so far. Go for kindness. What would it take for me to be kinder than I’ve ever been before? What if I was kinder than I’ve ever been for the next seven days? Try it. Take care.

We love you. Take care.

Bye for now.


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Author: Esateys Stuchiner

Esateys (pronounced Ee sáh teez) is an International Life Transformational Speaker, Author, Master Facilitator, Life Coach and Expert in the Human condition. She is a Nationally and Board Certified Nurse Practitioner. For over 30 years, she has practiced, taught and lectured extensively in the allopathic and alternative medicine field.

Esateys is known for her groundbreaking work in the areas of personal empowerment and health restoration using mindset and inner connection as the catalyst for all change.

Esateys describes herself as the ‘Architect of the New You’ and has dedicated her life and professional career to helping her clients create “New Beginnings” by facilitating self empowerment, economic freedom and restored health.

For more information, go to esateys.com.

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